People often say that couples shouldn’t fight, but how realistic is that? Two people who see each other day in and day out, and get the good and the bad (and often the worst of it) are supposed to be smiling and content and lovey-dovey about everything, all the time? No way. But that’s OK. See, fighting with your significant other doesn’t always have to be a terrible thing. We’re not talking about the kind of fight that affects your physical and/or mental well being, we’re talking healthy debate here. Whether things are or aren’t resolved, at least there’s communication happening.
According to a survey of nearly 1,000 adults, couples who argue together, stay together. Really. Research found that those who argue effectively are “10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficult issues under the carpet,” according to The Guardian. And “more than four in five respondents to the survey said poor communication played a role in a previous failed relationship.”
Think about it. If you bottle things up that’s not going to save you from a fight; it’s only going to build and build to a point of blistering resentment until — BAM. You explode. And that’s never good.
Fighting (or arguing, or debating, or passionately discussing, however you want to describe it) is an important way to communicate — so long as you both know what you’re getting into. You need to be prepared to convey any thoughts and opinions, but not in a hurtful way. You have to be just the right amount of strong — strong enough to stand your ground, without being so strong that you’re unwilling to hear what the other person has to say.
There are also some unwritten rules that you have to abide by: no low blows–if you disagree, do it respectfully, and know who you’re fighting with. There should be a level of comfort with which you’re both familiar. If you can tell your partner to eff off and you know they can shrug it off, cool. If you know that will send them spiralling, then don’t do it. Easy as that.
You should feel better after it’s all said and done, and not be consumed by thoughts and regrets. And consider this, things will never be boring between the two of you. There’s nothing wrong with challenging each other, and keeping your person on their toes.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re both able to speak your minds — be it calmly and rationally, or loudly and forcefully, but always with respect — and you both come out of it OK, there’s no stopping you as a couple.