Crime Drops After English Resort Bans Mankinis
Forget guns or drugs, we know what the real source of crime is! Officials in Newquay, England, say they have seen a noticeable decline in crime ever since they cracked down on stag parties loaded with mankini-wearing revelers. Among the things banned were drunkenness and “inappropriate clothing”. Things have actually cleaned up so much, that Police Inspector Dave Meredith said the town had seen a “miraculous improvement.” Reported cases of anti-social behaviour have decreased by about 50 per cent.
Man named Bacon charged in fight over last piece of sausage, cops say
Isn’t this the wurst? New Jersey resident Thomas Bacon allegedly became so upset after someone took the last breakfast sausage from an unspecified home this week, that he assaulted the person eating it. He’s since been charged with simple assault and was released pending an upcoming appearance in court.
Pig Poops In Back Of Cop Car, Is All Smiles
Speaking of pork, a Michigan pig escaped from his owner yesterday, leaving members of the community pretty freaked out. At one point, the animal charged at a woman, but was fortunately distracted before anyone was injured. Police soon arrived and arrested the pig, who responded by crapping all over the backseat of their cruiser. The animal, meanwhile, could be seen smiling through the windshield (if you really want to know what it looked like back there, click here).
Every Glass Of Water You Drink Contains Dinosaur Urine
Better invest in a water filter. According to science YouTube channel Curious Minds, every glass you drink is loaded with tasty Jurrassic-era urine. The logic works like this: Dinosaurs were around for 186 million years, which gave them time to drink a lot of the world’s water. And since the resiliency of water molecules allows them to last for millions of years, one could assume that almost every water molecule has, at some point, been consumed by a dinosaur. That would also mean, of course, that the water had to come back out at some point. Yum!
82-year-old arrested for slashing tires over bingo
No free space for you! Florida police arrested a man after he slashed a woman’s tires because she was sitting in his favourite bingo seat. Officers say Fred Smith stormed out of the bingo hall after noticing his spot was occupied, and then took an icepick to an 88-year-old’s van. Smith has since admitted to the crime, and will pay the woman $500 in tire damage and restitution.