No one knows how to issue a warm greeting like White Goodman: “Hello, losers. Miss me?” Surprisingly, though, we totally missed him. Thankfully for us, Ben Stiller has brought back his iconic character from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story and he hasn’t changed a bit. Actually, scratch that. At the end of the 2004 flick, White threw in the towel on his fitness-training ways and became a gross slob, but 13 years later, he’s his old self again. His fit, jerky old self.
“Sorry to interrupt your Internet life, but for the last 13 years while I’ve been living a sugar-free, protein-forward lifestyle, I’ve watched as all of you have gotten fatter and dumber with your hashtags and your baes and your Kanyes,” said Goodman. “Everyone is so PC now. Even good old-fashioned bullying is out. Well, White Goodman has decided to get with the times.”
That’s when he announced the greatest news ever: “It’s time for a little charity dodgeball, b*tches.”
Stiller, who remains in character throughout, goes on to try and recruit all us mouth-breathers for Omaze’s latest charity campaign: to dodge some balls (and hopefully, no wrenches) with the Globo Gym Purple Cobras. But that’s when he’s rudely interrupted — by Peter LaFleur (Vince Vaughn), Kate (Christine Taylor) and Justin (Justin Long), the members of Average Joe’s winning dodgeball team, to throw in their two cents.
Not to be outdone, more members of the Purple Cobras join White, including his right-hand man Me’Shell (Jamal Duff), the strong but silent Blazer (Brandon Molale), and the unforgettable Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky (Missi Pyle).
Whichever team you join, it’s all in good fun — and for a good cause. Funds raised from the campaign will benefit the Ben Stiller Foundation, which works to improve educational opportunities for children around the world. As White says, “Come for the charity, stay for the balls.”
Ahh. Truer words were never spoken.