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The eighth and final season of Game of Thrones is currently being filmed under the tightest veil of secrecy, but that hasn’t stopped actor Emilia Clarke from revealing at least some of what’s to come when the hugely popular series returns in the spring of 2019. While Clarke must keep quiet about specifics, she did reveal how it felt to film her final scene as Daenerys Targaryen. “It f-d me up,” said Clarke. Welcome to Game of Thrones.

In the latest cover story for Vanity Fair, the English actor, who has played the Khaleesi for seven seasons on Game of Thrones, revealed that shooting her final scene as the mother of dragons and breaker of chains was more emotionally charged than she had anticipated. “It f-d me up,” said Clarke. “Knowing that is going to be a lasting flavor in someone’s mouth of what Daenerys is . . .”

It’s a fair response. Playing a character that began as a victim, moving onto a pawn in other people’s lives, and rising through the ranks thanks to her own strength and determination to become the front runner for the Iron Throne is a huge responsibility for an actor. It’s a role that has made Clarke a household name and given viewers a female character to be admired and inspired by in a male-dominated TV landscape.

In real life, Clarke is just as much a champion for women’s rights as the Khaleesi (she’s heavily involved in the #MeToo movement), but much more easy going and funny than her on-screen conqueror character. Still, don’t expect to see many light moments from Daenerys in the show’s finale season. “I’m doing all this weird shit,” says Clarke. “You’ll know what I mean when you see it.” Okay, but like, can you give us a *bit* more?

With cell phones banned from the set for fear of spoilers, Clarke says that she’s been keeping a diary of the final season and working with a photographer for a collection that may one day be available to the public. We’ll still have to wait until next spring to learn Daenerys’ fate, but until then expect a lot of late night hosts doing their best to get spoilers out of Clarke and co.