Unless your children are little angels who poop rainbows and fart potpourri, chances are, as a parent, you’ve seen it all. For that matter, so has your car. Whether it’s that dark sludge that is so pervasive it goes right through a diaper’s waistband or a puke-fest so epic not even the most experienced auto detailer can ever get you back that new car smell.
When Ben Patterson’s tiny son, Declan, threw up in the car, covering himself and the car seat and the belt and the buckles, Ben reacted the way many people would: he texted his wife.
Short of throwing the car seat and tainted clothes in a nearby dumpster and carrying his stripped-down son home, the way Ben dealt with this is fantastic. We love that he wasn’t ashamed in the least and totally game to post screenshots of his desperate texts to his wife. And of course he took a pic of poor, miserable Declan to boot. Classic new-world parenting right here!
If we can take away anything from Patterson’s story, it’s that along with the highs of parenting, there are some real low points too. The chunks of what very well could be rotting whale blubber are one thing. But dry-heaving and tarnishing someone’s lawn, presumptious busybodies calling the cops, having to take a Breathalyzer, all while your spouse isn’t picking up their phone is pretty much as rock bottom as it gets. But no one ever said rock bottom can’t also be hilarious.