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Germany branded as ‘penis enlargement capital’ of the world
Aww. What’s wrong, feeling a little inadequate? According to new data released by the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, roughly one in five penis enlargement surgeries worldwide took place in the country. The German Centre for Urology and Phalloplasty Surgery charges 7,600 pounds for the operation, which enlarges penis size by up to 6cm.

Knife-Wielding Robot Vacuum Cleaners Fight To The Death
The future is officially here. A couple of people decided to strap knives to two different Roomba vacuum cleaners and set them loose. The result is just as hilarious as you’d expect. Check it out below:

Florida mom arrested after letting son walk to park alone
Never let your kids have fun, that’s the lesson out of a strange court case in Florida. A mother who let her 7-year-old son walk to a playground by himself has been arrested, and could face up to five years in jail. But let’s give this story some context: The park was less than half a mile away, and the child had a cellphone hanging off of his neck in case he needed to call home. Now that’s a criminal, amirite?

Woodchuck blamed for startling man who jumped into road, hit by car
Rodents are shady little critters. Police in New York are blaming a woodchuck for a car crash that almost killed a teenager. Officers say that the teen was walking along a grass path when the rodent popped up out of nowhere, sending him jumping into the path of a car. The hospital most recently listed him in fair condition.

Guy’s Hilarious Obit: ‘Don’t Email Me, I’m Dead’
Some people always have a sense of humour. A man who worked in advertising for about 30 years sent himself into the afterlife with an obituary that celebrated his “long fight with mediocracy.” He also expressed regrets about not being able to rally a “revolution that would force” the price of a Hershey candy bar back “to its original 35-cent market value.” What a shame.