Regardless of your current coital status, there is always room for improvement. And who doesn’t want to have even better sex?
We already know the benefits of self-love, but improving sex with your partner can do wonders for your overall well-being, too. We spoke with Dr. Robin Milhausen, associate professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Guelph and Alex McKay, Executive Director at SIECCAN to get the lowdown on how to up our game when we’re getting down.
Here are the top three things you can do RIGHT NOW to improve playtime in the bedroom:
1. Use your words, and have a conversation
We know, talking about feelings can be hard. Especially when it’s about a sensitive topic like sex. Oh, the vulnerability! But the lack of chatter is impeding our ability to have mind-blowing sex.
A nationwide study found that only 30 per cent of adults polled communicated frequently about the things they like and don’t like about sex. That means 70 per cent of us are staying tight-lipped about what gets us off! Say what?????
Since we’re confident that none of us are hooking up with mind readers, the only thing to do is bite the bullet, and have an open conversation. “Among those who are frequent communicators, [those polled] were the far more likely to report sexual pleasure and satisfaction,” says Milhausen.
The key to a smooth convo? Focus on the positives. “Reinforce behavior that you really like and harken back to a time, like ‘remember that time when we were at the hotel for that wedding?’ or ‘remember that time the kids were at a sleepover and we did this or that?’,” Milhausen recommends.
2. Ask yourself: what do you want?
It’s easy to put our own feelings on the back burner. But knowing exactly what YOU want out of your sex life will improve the experience for both you and your partner. “One of my favourite sex therapists, Peggy Kleinplatz from Ottawa, always asks the question, ‘what kind of sex would motivate you to have sex?’ She says it’s not surprising that many Canadians have low desire given the kind of sex they’re having,” says Milhausen. Turns out, many of us are in a rut.
So take the time, and consider what would motivate you to have sex with your partner. Do you want more romantic, passionate sex with kissing and soft touching? Or maybe you’d like to try something more daring or adventurous. Ménage à trois, anyone?
Whatever your level of sexual adventure may be, “if we make sex better, we will be more likely to want to have it,” says Milhausen.
3. Remember: You’ve still got it
Just because you’re not a toned, hormone-fuelled, 18-year-old anymore doesn’t mean that sex has to suck. In fact, the more mature respondents in the survey were actually more adventurous in bed. “Two thirds of our sample said that they were more interested in trying something new to enhance their sexual life than they were ten years ago,” says Milhausen.
The next time you undress, do so with a sense of resounding confidence! “Having a little bit of experience and wisdom as you go along, and how to communicate with your partner, those are things that you learn as you go through adult life,” adds McKay. “You may, in fact, be positioned to have a more enjoyable sex life when you’re 50 as opposed to when you’re 20. ”
So what are you waiting for?