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You want a set of ab-gutters that are so defined, and ripped, they’re like physiological eaves troughs? Y’know, the kind of stomach you could literally zest a citrus fruit on? Well, turns out you can lie to the world about having just that! And you don’t even need to do a single crunch or sit-up.

It’s true! A Hollywood insider has spoken to CTV News and she’s really laid out the 3-step, non-surgical treatment. First you lie down on a sterile bed, while a doctor performs “i-Lipo” on you. “i-Lipo” has no connection to Apple’s iPhone or iPod or iPad. It is a pain-free, needle-free procedure that uses low-levels of laser energy to create a “chemical signal in the fat cells.” According to the company who created the technology, “stored triglycerides are broken down into free fatty acids and glycerol, which are released through channels in the cell membranes.”

All of this is to say that these low-level lasers basically change the chemistry of stuff inside of you, and that newly manipulated internal “stuff” is then sent to other parts of the body that can use it, and that is then metabolized into energy. The company claims you can see a reduction after your treatment (which you can witness in the video above).

Next is thermage, a procedure that uses radio frequency to thicken collagen in your body. The patient in the video uses this method for “sculpting” the abs.

And lastly is, um, semi-permanent tattooing to create definition in the abs. So, yeah, you’re looking at dropping several thousands of dollars if you want to do abs the “Hollywood Way.” Watch the video above to see it all go down (and how to do it, if you’re a millionaire).