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There are so many things out there that we know are bad for us. Pop and sugar. Drinking too much coffee. Sun tanning. Dating unavailable people and dancing in high heels. Yet we do them anyway.

It’s the same when it comes to our hygiene. We know that constantly dyeing our hair or getting a gel manicure isn’t the greatest, but we still do it, because let’s face it — we care about the way we look.

We also care about the way we smell, and that’s the No. 1 reason why most of us avoid natural deodorants. Nobody wants to smell like a hippie when they can smell like they’ve just run through a field of lavender or hung themselves up to dry in the backyard along with the latest batch of laundry.

That’s why we were so intrigued when Consonant Skincare released its dealkalizing deodorant — a bar that claims to be “100 per cent effective, 100 per cent of the time” when it comes to stopping odour. Their approach is based on this: sweat reportedly has no odour, but when it combines with the alkaline bacteria that we carry in the moist space under our arms, BAM! Smelly Mellie walks into the room.

This deodorant, however, is slightly acidic, which helps to balance that odour. It’s also 100 per cent natural, which means that it doesn’t contain aluminum, parabens, petroleum-based ingredients or other potentially cancer-causing materials.

Naturally (pardon the pun), we were dying to try it out during one of our craziest weeks: TIFF. Here’s what happened.

SATURDAY

Sweat factor: High – running in a 10K race at the Toronto Zoo

Apprehensions: Smelling worse than the monkeys, who are known to throw their own poop.

Results: The day was cold, wet, rainy and packed with people, so we were in layers — the first being our inaugural swipe of the deodorant. We weren’t sure what felt slicker, our waterproof Underarmour or our pits. After somehow managing to jog for over an hour, we lifted off the layers to reveal two things — lots of armpit lint and no smell.

“You smell good!” our smell tester said.

SUNDAY

Sweat factor: Mild – an easy theatre screening

Apprehensions: When our train was delayed, we wondered whether we’d be able to walk from the train station to the theatre without being denied entry due to excessive sweat.

Results: It was another chilly day, which meant our lack of layers was bad for our health but OK for our pits. Despite feeling slightly sticky “under there” we smelled all right. Or so our tester said.

“You smell like … a girl?”

MONDAY

Sweat factor: High – a Johnny Depp press conference

Apprehensions: If we got close enough to Johnny, would he be able to smell our ahem…fandom?

Results: After waiting in an incredibly packed lineup for nearly two hours, we were dripping with sweat. Our pits, the back of our knees, our hairline and more. A quick self-test confirmed that we smelled worse than we’d imagine Jack Sparrow to smell. We kept our jackets on and quickly stepped into a mist of perfume while in the loo.

We figured it all had something to do with the fact that no deodorant could have saved that situation.

TUESDAY

Sweat factor: Medium – several screenings + tight deadlines = stressy times

Apprehensions: Smelling like those clichéd writers hanging out at a Second Cup between screenings.

Results: Sticky and stained. That’s what our black shirts were telling us. Note to self: put deodorant on after clothes are in place.

WEDNESDAY

Sweat factor: High — working the red carpet at a world premiere event while wedged between cameras

Apprehensions: These new hi-tech cameras can’t pick up smell, right?

Results: Not-so-fresh, judging by the tester’s comments. “How much longer are you wearing this stuff?”

Upon closer examination, it was definitely the deodorant that went on sticky, but the bar itself had accumulated some lint by this point. We chalked up that “bacteria” theory as to why the smell had started coming through.

THURSDAY

Sweat factor: Chill – a Janis Joplin documentary screening followed by Eddie Redmayne’s The Danish Girl

Apprehensions: Janis Joplin didn’t even shave her armpits, so even if we do start smelling, we’re just in theme.

Results: Janis had nothing on us. Somehow, our sweat had started pooling on top of the deodorant, making our pits extremely moist. And disgusting. We even made our tester touch to confirm.

“That’s disgusting.”

Consider it confirmed.

FRIDAY

Sweat factor: Mild to Medium – piled up deadlines after being at screenings all week

Apprehensions: Will our loved ones even want to hang out with us tonight?

Results: We were still sticky, moist, slightly smelly and our pits looked positively white when we lifted our arms. We decided to try two things for the following day – use slightly less product and stop keeping it in the humid bathroom, where bacteria naturally accumulates.

SATURDAY (AGAIN)

Sweat factor: Chill — LAST DAY!

Apprehensions: None. After a crazy week we were looking forward to some TV and a tea.

Results: Infinitely better. Although the deodorant still left white traces on our skin, by scraping the lint off the top and chilling the bar down in the bedroom the scent was better. The sweat, however, still pooled on top of the deodorant itself and made us want to walk around with paper towels under our armpits.

The bottom line? While we appreciate the natural ingredients and want a better solution to the mass-produced products out there, this one just didn’t cut it for us after a few uses. Perhaps if we took better care of it in the future and scraped the top off more often it would have held up, but for the time being, we can’t wait to return to our normal sticks.