On Wednesday, the House of Commons rose for their winter holiday — two days early, we might add — and like most workplaces and schools do right before a break, things got a little wild. Several Members of Parliament took the opportunity to make partisan jabs at the other side through festive holiday poetry. And it got downright SAVAGE. When you’re being torn apart by your political opponents, it’s nice to see them put in the effort to make it rhyme, but that probably doesn’t make it hurt less.
Conservative MP from Alberta Kerry Diotte kicked things off with a re-write of “Jingle Bells” that he attempted to sing. In his defense, he warned the room beforehand that he was losing his voice. At least he ended the whole thing with a dramatic ritardando — yeah, we were paying attention in music theory. He attacked the “naughty” Liberals on taxes, veterans affairs, pipelines and then finished by looking to the future . . . when the Libs are out:
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Tories will save the day.
Oh what fun
It sure will be
Seeing Liberals go away.
In the spirit of giving, I decided to try a new take on the old jingle bells tune. I wanted to give the Liberals a figurative lump of coal for a few of the ways that they’ve been naughty this year. #cdnpoli pic.twitter.com/KqIbZRBk64
— KerryDiotte (@KerryDiotte) December 13, 2017
Conservative MP from BC, Mark Strahl also prepared a holiday-themed rhyme to attack the Libs, this time in the style of The Night Before Christmas. Before he began, he referenced that Liberal MP Rodger Cuzner, from Cape Breton, always does a partisan holiday poem before parliament breaks for the year and he wanted to beat him to it this time:
‘Twas 12 days before Christmas, almost time to head home,
But first we’ll endure that Cape Bretoner’s poem.
But before he gets up and makes fun of us Tories,
We get to stand up and tell our Christmas story.
Strahl took shots at the Liberals over the Bill Morneau scandal, the disillusionment of small business owners over the tax plan and Justin Trudeau’s wealth. He then praised their new leader, Andrew Scheer:
There’ve been some big changes for us around here.
We have a new leader and for us it is clear
That he’s younger and taller, more virile and sharper
Than the current PM and he smiles more than Harper.
He works hard for our party, starts each day before dawn.
And the best part of all is he keeps his shirt on.
Every year, Cape Breton’s Liberal MP Rodger Cuzner recites a “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” parody in the HoC before it rises for Christmas break. Just before he spoke, I recited my own version. It was a lighthearted moment that my colleagues seemed to enjoy. Merry Christmas! pic.twitter.com/K9hYQ6IXqp
— Mark Strahl, MP (@markstrahl) December 13, 2017
Cuzner was able to respond with his own poem immediately after (how awkward would it have been if he decided to skip the poem this year?). Cuzner didn’t limit his barbs to the official opposition; he also went after the NDP and even the Bloc Quebecois. His first digs were at Andrew Scheer for his youth and the the Conservative seat they lost to the Liberals in the BC by-election this week.
The new Tory leader picked a political spat;
But it’s hard to take him seriously with dimples like that.
But even those dimples can’t hide the shock
Of what happened Monday evening in South Surrey–White Rock.
He then poked fun at the NDP for the fact that newly-elected leader Jagmeet Singh doesn’t hold a seat in the House and at the Bloc for their decades of failed attempts to separate. That one’s got to sting.
The Dippers believe their saviour’s been sent.
He’s bumped up their polling to 16 per cent.
To the new leader, here’s a challenge to meet:
It would be sweet to compete with Jagmeet for a seat.
The Bloc were once strong, but find themselves in a quandary,
Break up the country? They couldn’t separate their own laundry.
It looks like parliament turned into the wild west momentarily. The icing on the cake was that all the festive poetry wasn’t the only weird thing in the HoC on Wednesday. Conservative MP Michelle Rempel quoted RuPaul during a House discussion on Bill C-66 which would expunge the records of people convicted of same-sex offences when there were still laws against homosexuality. MP Rempel said, “I am not sure anyone has ever done this in the House before, I am going to quote RuPaul, ‘If you can’t love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?'” Wild.
— Bari🎄 (@AlbertanGrrl) December 14, 2017
And then the Queen herself, RuPaul, tweeted “Amen.” Now we’ve seen everything.
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) December 14, 2017
Who said politics was boring?