Have you and your best pal ever had a fight so terrible you thought your chances of ever being in the same room again — never mind having a civil conversation — were lower than Justin Bieber’s saggy pants? If sisters Beyoncé and Solange Knowles’ elevator dust up and subsequent make up have taught us anything, it’s that even the worst friendship fall outs can be repaired. We combed Queen Bey’s Instagram account for tips on how to mend a fractured relationship. Then we turned to expert Kimberly Moffit, a Toronto psychotherapist specializing in the subject, for some concrete advice.
1. After her fight with Solange, Beyoncé seemed to be using Instagram to remind both herself and her sister of the good old days. Try doing the same if you’re having trouble forgiving your friend. Remember when you dressed up in matching outfits? What about that time you took an unforgettable vacation together?
2. Think of the times you were there for each other and how much it meant to you that your friend went out of her way to be present for your big moment.
3. Best friends are your biggest supporters and number one fans. What would your life be like if they weren’t in it?
4. Moffit suggests that once you’re ready to work it out face to face, it’s important to be honest. “In order to move on from an ugly blowout, it’s essential to sit down and explain what happened from your point of view. Something like, ‘I felt like you were always putting him before me and that was hurtful to me,’ is a good start. But remember: Being honest doesn’t mean laying on more insults…”
5. She also recommends bringing a peace offering to ease the tension: “Showing up with something thoughtful — like her favourite tea from Starbucks or a cupcake from the place next door, shows her that you’re willing to put effort into the relationship and that you still care about her.”
(Backstage passes to a big-time outdoor music festival don’t hurt either, but we can’t all be Beyoncé.)
6. Remember how long your friendship has lasted and all the things you’ve been through already. A fight can be turned into ancient history if you’re willing to forgive and forget (and apologize). “Don’t blame her for what happened,” says Moffit, adding, “in fact, avoid placing blame at all. Take ownership for what you’ve done wrong in the relationship and apologize.”
7. Moffit highlights the importance of being a good listener when it comes to trying to repair the relationship. “Truly hearing her feelings and understanding where she is coming from is essential for forgiveness. She may surprise you with how she feels and may have been going through something you weren’t aware of!” (Like trying to balance being the world’s biggest pop star with being a mom.)
8. Finally, says our expert, “Explain what you want. If you want to move forward with the friendship, telling her you want to repair and mend things will help her understand where you’re coming from and determine if that’s what she wants too.”