Life Love
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Summer is here! Which means it’s the perfect time to take all of your indoor activities outdoors, including your sexy ones. Yes, you could be seen and, yes, you could get arrested, but if you’re already wearing the handcuffs…

Don’t worry, we’ll talk you through the whole thing. Ease into it, you know? Just the tips.

  1. Start simple: Do it in the car.

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  2. Graduate to intermediate: Do it on the car.
  3. Master it: Do it in someone else’s car.
  4. DO NOT do it while driving a car.
  5. Do it on a subway car like in Risky Business.
  6. DO NOT be risky with your business: Use protection (wear sunscreen).

    burn
    CTV
  7. If you would not, could not on a train, then you should bang, could bang in the rain…
  8. …but check the forecast first and use protection (bring an umbrella).
  9. Go to a music festival and bang while you headbang.
  10. Rent a row boat, paddle out to the middle of a lake and make your own waves.
  11. Rent a motorboat, don’t go anywhere and motorboat one another right there on the dock.

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  12. use protection (wear a life-jacket).
  13. Go to a patio. Stop on the way to bump uglies.
  14. Get to the patio and then go to the bathroom to make whoopee…
  15. …but ask someone to hold your patio table. “Patio table” is not a euphemism; those babies get snatched up quickly.
  16. Ask someone to “hold your patio table” as a euphemism and point directly to your junk.
  17. “Junk” is a euphemism for genitals.
  18. Wash your hands before and after holding junk of any kind.
  19. Go to a public pool and have public sex.
  20. Go to a private pool and have public sex.
  21. Go to any pool and have public sex using your privates.
  22. Keep it all private or post about it publicly.

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  23. Eat some “street meat.”
  24. Plan a picnic.
  25. Plan to have sex at that picnic.
  26. Plan a party.
  27. Plan to have sex at that party.
  28. Do it on a ping-pong table…just make sure you know which balls are which.

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  29. Go to a baseball game and do it in the stands.
  30. Watch a baseball game at home and do it while standing.
  31. “Pitch a tent” while camping.
  32. Buy some graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate, sit by the fire then toss all that stuff aside and shag fireside.
  33. Make post-coital s’mores.
  34. Make post-s’mores coitus.
  35. Make coitus some more.

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  36. Go an an outdoor movie but DO NOT watch it…
  37. …instead, have outdoor sex.
  38. DO NOT get mad about spoilers if you chose to have sex instead of watching the movie.
  39. Rent a tandem bicycle and pull over to get up in them guts.
  40. Rent a regular bicycle and ride the same seat.
  41. Use protection while riding (wear a condom).

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    Giphy
  42. Blow Bubbles but ask Bubbles first.
  43. Build a sandcastle…naked.
  44. Eat creamsicles…naked.
  45. Explore new meanings for “creamsicle.”
  46. Eat corn on the cob, but ask the corn first.
  47. Make a new cocktail, using the ingredients “cock” and “tail.”
  48. Go stargazing and hump like rabbits every time you see a star.

    bunnies
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  49. Take a road trip but arrive a few days late due to the number of times you stopped to go all the way.
  50. Get one of those driver-less cars so you’ll never have to pull over again.
  51. Go to the Muskokas and do it on a Muskoka chair.
  52. Go to the Adirondacks and do it on an Adirondack chair.
  53. Get high and do it on a high chair.

    chair
    Imgur
  54. Do it under the sun.
  55. Do it under the moon.
  56. Put on a sweater and do it under the leaves as they turn.
  57. Why stop there? Toss on a hat and some mitts and get it on as the snow falls. After all, just because winter is coming, doesn’t mean you have to stop.

    winter
    HBO