Cut. It. Out. Rumour has it that Full House could be headed back to TV screens and that some of its original cast members – namely, John Stamos, Dave Coulier, Bob Saget and Candace Cameron-Bure – could even be involved. If that news doesn’t send you running for some Super Bowl-inspired yogourt, then these modern-day storylines we’ve come up with will at least whet your appetite.
The set-up: While looking for her textbook, Stephanie accidentally happens upon Rebecca’s copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. After taking a gander, she exclaims, “How rude!” before throwing the book down and running to her room. Rebecca, sensing that something’s off with her niece, can’t understand why Stephanie suddenly refuses to spend any quality girl-time together.
Our happy ending: After a couple of days of awkwardness, Stephanie asks Rebecca if Uncle Jessie ever ties her up and where they keep their Red Room of Pain. Rebecca realizes what has happened and explains the intricacies of female sexual fantasy in the most PG way possible. All is forgiven and they head out for froyo.
2. Snap happy
The set-up: When D.J. and Kimmy meet a couple of cute boys at a party, they decide to send some selfies via Snapchat to get their attention. The boys are biting, and the poses become increasingly provocative, until Kimmy decides to bare all. She quickly realizes her mistake when D.J. informs her Snapchats can be saved to your phone, and one of the boys in question does exactly that.
On Monday at school, the picture has made the rounds, and Kimmy has become the school laughing stock. Even D.J. starts to feel uncomfortable around her bestie, opting to sit with the cooler girls at lunch. Poor Kimmy runs home crying.
Our happy ending: When Danny asks D.J. why Gibbler hasn’t been around much lately (even though it’s been, like, a day), the truth (sort of) comes out, and Danny reminds D.J. about all of the times Gibbler stuck by her side (like when she wore those terrible nightgowns or brought her pillow person to school). An enlightened D.J. then makes up with her friend, and they head to school together the next day, where all is forgotten.
3. Seeing green
The set-up: When D.J. suddenly becomes infatuated with with the royal family (and mimics everything Kate), Michelle realizes that her big sister sent Prince George a better birthday gift than she gifted her on her birthday.
“You’re in big trouble, Mister!” Michelle screams before running to tattle.
Our happy ending: Danny forces D.J. to put together an old-school research project using something called an encyclopedia (no computers allowed!) about the wealth of the royal family. When she realizes the baby will have all he ever needs, D.J. treats Michelle to a full-on day of “royal treatment,” including a tiara and tea party with Stephanie and Mr. Bear.
4. Juiced up
The set-up: When the Wake Up, San Francisco producers hire a younger female correspondent to interact with people on the street and “shake up” the ratings, Rebecca begins an all-natural juice cleanse and forces Jessie to do it with her. With very few calories in her belly and a lack-of-caffeine headache pulsing hard, she completely freaks out when she learns Jessie has been sneaking food with the girls on the down low.
Our happy ending: The next day, as Rebecca sulks in her dressing room, the new hire knocks on the door with a coffee. Turns out Rebecca has always been one of her heroes and the whole reason she entered the ‘biz in the first place. The two hug it out, and Rebecca becomes her mentor.
5. Dating woes
The set-up: Joey begins to feel lonely when he realizes Mr. Woodchuck is the closest thing he has to a relationship. While lamenting his loneliness to the family at dinner one night, D.J. suggests online dating. He’s skeptical at first, but when he sees some kids on MTV talking about this new dating app Grindr, he quickly signs up. At first he’s bummed that the only people wanting to meet up with him are dudes, but thanks to some sage advice from Danny, he realizes that this is an opportunity to expand his circles of friends.
Our happy ending: It takes a while for Joey to realize that his first “hangout” is, in fact, a date, and that the good-looking younger guy is actually seeking a sugar daddy. After only one (mild) misread signal the young man shows Joey how to use Tindr. Almost immediately, a promising lady contacts Joey while he and the young man part as friends.