Between your legs, there it is. It’s your vessel for pleasure, the space for everyday biological functions and even ground zero for your monthly visitor. And now, she can be a star. That’s right, your vagina can enter a beauty pageant called “Vagina Contest,” (NSFW) thanks to sex-toy entrepreneur Brian Sloan.
This fleshy news comes shortly after Miss USA was abandoned by NBC and its hosts, Thomas Roberts and Brooke Burke. Suddenly, there was a hole to be filled in the pageant scene. That hole has since been filled, and to vote, you simply need an Internet connection. And to participate, you simply need to have a vagina.
What does one get for posting a photo of their vagina, you ask? Well, if you win top honours, you get $5,000, plus a trip to Los Angeles where your lotus blossom will be 3D-printed into the next big sex toy. If your vagina is a silver or bronze medalist, don’t fret, because second place gets $2,500 and third place gets $1,500.
To earn the highest ranks, you need to have high-scoring genitalia. Currently, men and women are rating vaginas on a scale of one to 10. One means “not hot,” while ten means “super hot!”
You’re probably thinking, “Okay, that’s fine, but what about this year’s Miss Con-V-niality?” There isn’t one. There are only three prizes to be bestowed on three superior vaginas. So, brush up on your talent, make sure your swimsuit fits (Kegels!) and try to make it utter the words “world peace,” because this is going to be one cutthroat competition of the flesh.