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We all knew everyone’s favourite 80s glam-rock cartoon was getting a modern reboot but a total revamp is not what fans were expecting.

Jem and the Holograms hits theatres in October, and while there are the flashy costumes, Bowie-esque makeup and wigs, and catchy keytar solos, that was about all that was taken from the original animated series.

Seeing Molly Ringwald as the mom figure to Jerrica/Jem (Aubrey Peeples), Kimber (Stefanie Scott), Aja (Hayley Kiyoko) and Shana (Aurora Perrineau), almost makes up for it but Juliette Lewis as evil music guru Erica Raymond and Ryan Guzman as Rio, the man torn between Jerrica and Jem, just reminds us that this isn’t the Jem we signed up for. And in its place is a toned-down rags-to-riches story that began with a YouTube dream.

Buzzfeed points out that the film has been updated “to focus on how artists are packaged, manipulated, and transformed into brands that executives believe will most appeal to millennials.” (Ahem, it is at this point that we must mention the film’s producer, one Scott Samuel “Scooter” Braun. If that name is familiar you’ve probably heard of his own little YouTube discovery, the talented Mr. Bieber. Ah. Things are beginning to make sense, no?)

Jem wasn’t a glamazon because that’s what the record label demanded, Jem was glam because of Synergy and her magical earrings. For this to work, we need more Synergy. Where’s the camp factor? And, most importantly, where are The Misfits? Because without them, there’s nothing outrageous about this.

Even William Shatner doesn’t get it.