It is 2016, even if you’re still writing 2015 on your cheques. With a whole new year, comes a personal rebirth – we’re talking about resolutions, and when you accomplish them, it’s as though you are taken from the locker room to the main event.
Resolutions can be any minor or major life-changing proposition, but if you’re Kylie Jenner, your resolution is dismantling the very thing that made you. In her case, makeup. The young member of the Kardashian-Jenner clan said in a video, “I kind of want to tone it down. I feel like [in] 2016, everyone is on the natural wave – at least me and my friends. I just want to take my nails off, no hair, no make-up. It’s just too much to maintain sometimes. It’s hard being a girl.”
We’re all for it, yes, but honestly, what else does Kylie Jenner do? She’s spent so much of her time being “the makeup one” (hello, her lipstick was going for over $14,000 on eBay after it sold out almost instantly). And, okay, so she wrote a dystopian sci-fi novel with her sister Kendall, but it also only sold 13,000 copies in its first five months. And, weirdly, it’s only been reviewed on Amazon five times, so we’ll just call that not the most likely of next steps.
So what will she do?
Remember when Kylie tweeted this meme about so-called ‘chemtrails’ which alleges that something (we’ll infer ‘the government’) is spraying ‘white stuff’ all over the place, in an effort to exterminate something. That something, this meme suggests, is her. Could spreading this ‘truth’ be her new calling, even though there’s a lot of really good information about contrails, the actual lines of vapour you see in the sky? It’s possible, for sure, even though the lines in the sky that are “composed of ice particles, that are visible behind jet aircraft engines, typically at cruise altitudes in the upper atmosphere.” And, not, well, anthrax or, like, exterminating human poison.
She already teamed up with Kendall to create a terrible book, so maybe she’ll form a new duo. How about Kourtney Kardashian? Maybe they can just eat Kit Kats using a non-patented six-step process? Who knows, it could be coming to a stadium near you in 2016!
Y’know, as fun as it is to guess, we do wish her well. She’s young, spry and clearly knows how to capitalize on public interest. We’re kind of just glad she’s not spreading the gospel of “natural” ‘Kylie Lips’ anymore because that never ended well for anyone but her.