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Beaver attacks Latvian man, who couldn’t be helped because police thought his report was a prank call

How unfortunate is that? A man only identified as Sergei was walking late at night in Latvia when a beaver sprang out of the bushes and bit him on the leg. When he tried to run away, the beaver bit him again, and then refused to let him get up. “The beaver was in effect holding Sergei hostage,” a Latvian public broadcaster reported. Sergei tried to call the police, but officers thought the call was a prank. Desperate, he tried a friend instead–who initially thought it was a joke as well–but eventually believed him. Sergei’s friend was actually pulled over by police on his way over to the scene for speeding, but when he explained the situation, they all headed down together and were able to free Sergei from his toothy tormentor.

French statue gets detachable penis to thwart thieves

Looks like someone is super envious of Hercules’ manhood. In an effort to stop rampant penis theft, a town in France has decided to install a removable appendage on its statue of the Greek hero Hercules. The deputy mayor said the penis will now only be affixed to the statue during special, public ceremonies. “This is the best solution, otherwise you just end up constantly chasing after the anatomy of Hercules.” Martine Phelippot said. Here’s what the statue looks like now:

Man accused of stealing food at Arby’s claimed he’s a time-traveling alien

Apparently theft isn’t such a big deal in the future. An Arby’s manager in Oklahoma told police that a man entered the restaurant demanding food before he suddenly hopped over the counter and went into the kitchen, where he allegedly grabbed handfuls of chicken and bacon. Then, having got what he needed, the man apparently went outside into the parking lot, where witnesses say he began kicking cars while continuing to scarf down the meat in his hands. When officers arrested him, he said that he was from another planet four years in the future. Police believe he may have taken a mind-altering substance. Shocker.

Police nab chicken for crossing Kingston Road

Why did the chicken cross the road? To try an outrun the long arm of the law, apparently. During morning rush hour in Toronto this week, a rogue chicken brought traffic to a halt after he wandered into the middle of a major street. Police reported on Twitter that there was word of a “chicken running loose” and that “Units are [on the way].” Once the bird crossed to the other side of the road, it was immediately apprehended by officers. 

Guy installs beer pipeline that runs from the store to his sink

He’s bringing new meaning to the term “beer on tap.” Russian mechanic Andrey Eremeev managed to convince his local beer store, which is located on the first floor of his building, to install piping from a keg in its cooler room directly to the faucet in his apartment. Because there were no standards or laws in place for such an idea, the beer store said approval came easily. Eremeev now has two taps in his kitchen: one for water, and one for beer.

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