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When we heard that Lindsay Lohan is writing a book, we had high hopes. We thought the first chapter would be called “Parent Trap Queen” and Oprah Winfrey would write the intro. On the first page after the table of contents, she’d write “Dedicated to Wilmer Valderrama, my first true love and my perpetual muse. You taught me so much.” We thought there’d be photo pull-outs of all of her mugshots, kind of like a “collect ’em all” sort of buyer add-on. Then there’d be the juicy middle section, with chapters like “Daughter to Father” and “Mother Like Daughter.”

We’d hoped she’d go deep into her downfall, and she’d take us behind the scenes of the trainwreck of a comeback film The Canyons. We’d even entertain the idea of suffering through chapters where she’d wax on about her ever-growing fondness for Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor.

We even imagined that she’d talk about the mean girls in her life, while at the same time talking about what it was like to portray a math genius-turned-queen-bee in the movie Mean Girls. The book could have been everything: sex, drugs and confessions of a teenage drama queen.

Alas, none of this will be appearing in Lilo’s first book. Because the book is said to be “educational” and will discuss fashion and style. Our version of the book would sell millions, creating a new generation of avid readers. This? It’s really too soon to tell.

But according to the New York Post, “Lindsay has had numerous offers to do a tell-all book about her time in rehab, her brushes with the law, her crazy family, or to lift the lid on the less glamourous side of a Hollywood starlet. But she refused those offers, and she’s working on something related to style and fashion and her travels, an educational book.”

Sounds more like a blog to us. But perhaps, given that there is a travel component, we’ll finally get a peek inside her past stays at the Chateau Marmont.