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90-year-old Florida man charged for feeding homeless people
“Drop that plate right now.” That’s what Arnold Abbott says officers said to him after he was caught handing out food to the less fortunate. He and two pastors in Fort Lauderdale were then charged with — get ready for it — feeding the homeless in public. It’s great to know justice is being served south of the border. In any case, the group is now facing possible jail time and a $500 fine.

Florida man stuffs stolen chainsaw down shorts, flees on bicycle
Ouch, every part of that sounds incredibly painful. We’re really not trying to pick on Florida here, but Anthony Ballard was accused of trying to steal a chainsaw in Port St. Lucie after he was caught on camera stuffing one into his pants. Here comes the best part though: You know how he tried to escape on a bike? While we don’t know yet if the chainsaw was actually stolen, police later determined that the bike certainly was.

Dad reportedly threatens daughter with rifle after suspecting her of cheating at Battleship
We’ll preface this by adding that “police suspect he was drinking.” Big surprise. The 17-year-old girl called the cops after her dad became just a little too competitive over the board game they were playing. The father, 68, was arrested on suspicion of third-degree felony aggravated assault.

Woman Finds Stranger In House, Eating Her Cookie Dough
Vile criminal. A Kansas woman woke up to find a man eating cookie dough from her freezer in the wee hours of the morning. The illicit muncher told police he thought he was in his aunt’s house, and just went into the freezer for a snack. Officers added that the man entered the home through and unlocked back door, and that the woman who lived there was unharmed.

Woman wearing an ‘I Love Crystal Meth’ t-shirt gets arrested for possession of crystal meth
You would think someone who felt comfortable enough to advertise their love of illicit substances wouldn’t also be carrying them, but we live and learn folks. Deborah Asher, 37, and a man were charged with felony narcotics possession and trafficking after officers arrested them concluding a large drug investigation. According to officers, the two were in possession of 3.37g of methamphetamine as well as a set of digital scales.