Friends, we’ve just lost a hero.
A Minnesota man recently revealed in his own obituary that he was in fact Spider-Man. Our friendly neighbourhood crusader was apparently bested after “a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long.” Here’s how his beautiful tribute begins:
“Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city.”
So, it looks like Peter Parker was just a dirty liar all along.
The “kind and mild-mannered” Art Director worked with his wife to craft the touching tribute, which ends with him calling for his son to “avenge his father’s untimely death.” You may also notice a little star power tucked into his cameo of loved ones.
“[Pumort] is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.”
Although our collective hearts break over this story, Pumort’s wife says cancer touched her family’s life in a very profound way.
“Our happy is happier. Our sadness is more poignant. Our lives are more intense in every way,” she says in the video above. “I love this man so damn much.”
Nora’s sister set up a crowdfunding page online to collect donations for Pumort’s medical and funeral expenses, and so far they’ve raised more than $120,000. The story will also be featured in an upcoming A&E documentary.
“This isn’t a cancer story, it’s a love story,” Nora says. “Even the part where cancer appears like an unexpected plot twist or a diabolical villain.”
Check out the video above.