What a lightweight! An Ohio man called 911 this week to report that he was “too high on weed” and “could not feel his hands.” When officers arrived, they found the 22-year-old man “laying on the floor, in the fetal position,” but that’s not all! Strewn all around the man was “a plethora of Doritos, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and Chips Ahoy cookies.” Any stoner’s dream. Marijuana possession and drug paraphernalia charges are pending.
It looks like ol’ St. Nick has plans for Christmas that don’t involve toys. A man legally named Santa Claus is running for city council in North Pole, Alaska. And since there are no other names on the ballot so far, he stands a fairly good chance of winning. Except, unlike his mythical counterpart, this jolly old fellow isn’t concerned with delivering presents for kids. Instead, on his website, he advocates for child safety, healthcare and welfare.
Talk about raising a stink! Rich Clem recently underwent gastric bypass surgery, causing him to have “extreme gas and uncontrollable diarrhea,” which probably wasn’t helped much by all the meat he was likely eating while working at a pork company. But the stench the 420-pound man left as a result overwhelmed the rest of the office, and grossed out many potential customers. His boss later allegedly fired him for farting too much at the office. Clem’s wife is now suing the company.
Spooky, isn’t it? Burger King’s latest Halloween treat is actually giving customers something to be scared about. Many people who have consumed the fast-food chain’s “Black Whopper” are reporting on social media that it turned their poop bright green. The burger’s bun is advertised as being made with A1 sauce baked in, but we’re guessing the ghoulish effects are likely the result of food colouring also added to the bun. And for the record, there’s proof (although we recommend just taking our word for it).
— Mz Muddlepants (@Dadooronron1971) October 7, 2015
Just call it icing on the priest’s cake. Greek Orthodox priest Father George Passias is known for having extremely conservative views, such as requiring women to cover their heads during confession. But it turns out his conservative ways didn’t stretch past the church, as he allegedly cheated on his wife with a married woman that he promoted to church school principal. But not only is he accused of cheating, he’s accused of making bizarre porn videos with this woman that would involve her sitting on “banana bread wrapped in cellophane.” Passias has since been suspended.