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To say that Meghan Markle’s past two years have been filled with incredible highs and devastating lows would be putting it lightly. The Duchess of Sussex happily welcomed her first child with husband Prince Harry, but the couple have been constantly plagued by the press, with the media writing hurtful and oftentimes untrue stories about the pair, especially Meghan. Now Markle is opening up about what it’s like being an actual person behind the public figure.

In a new documentary special with ITV News, Markle speaks with anchor Tom Bradby about the impact life in the spotlight as a member of the Royal Family has had on her physical and mental health, with Markle being subjected to an onslaught of cruel, racist, and at times violent threats. “Any woman, especially when they’re pregnant, you’re really vulnerable and that was made really challenging. And then when you have a newborn, you know?” said Meghan. “You add this on top of just trying to be a mum or trying to be a newlywed.”

Becoming visibly emotional, Meghan thanked Bradby for asking whether she’s okay, saying that not many people have asked. “And the answer is, would it be fair to say, not really okay?” asked Bradby, with Markle replying “Yes.”

The clip is part of the upcoming documentary Harry & Meghan: An African Journey, which follows Meghan and Harry through their recent journey to Africa. During their time in Africa, Prince Harry continued with the work his late mother Princess Diana began decades earlier to rid the country of landmines. Bradby spoke with Prince Harry about what it’s been like to follow in his mother’s footsteps, focusing on the difficultly of continuing to live life in the public eye surrounded by constant media presence, something that contributed to his mother’s untimely and tragic death.

“I think being part of this family, in this role, in this job, every single time I see a camera, every single time I hear a click, every single time I see a flash, it takes me straight back. In that respect, it’s the worst reminder of her life instead of the best,” said Harry. “Everything I do reminds me of her.”

The full documentary Harry & Meghan: An African Journey will air on Wednesday, October 23.