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It would be nice if certain media outlets would turn away whenever Meghan Markle‘s half-sister, Samantha, wanted to give another tidbit. But we also get how it works, and if people want to read something royal-related (even when it isn’t royal-related AT ALL), then the more, the merrier. And grosser. This week Samantha has yet another story to tell, and In Touch Weekly is the vessel for her latest tale.

“She was extremely well-behaved and respectful,” Samantha told the mag, with which she also shared childhood photos. “If she wanted something, she’d say it in a forthcoming, diplomatic way. She was well mannered, tidy and disciplined.”

Huh, well, that wasn’t so bad. Sure, she makes Meghan sound a little robotic but we can all see — whether through photos, interviews and how she interacts with royal fans — that the opposite is the case. Meghan thrives in the public eye — but not in a cloying, thirsty way. She’s just one of those stars who doesn’t take her celebrity for granted and uses it in positive ways. But those complimentary comments from Samantha were just a warm-up for the crap she eventually dishes out.

Samantha — who hasn’t spoken to Meghan in years, it should be noted — blames Meg’s mother Doria Ragland as the reason they’ve grown apart, saying, “In my mind Doria wanted to run around and seal off all the hatches. She became very possessive and controlling.”

She also thinks the future Royal should help out their father, Thomas Markle. Financially. Of course.

“Meghan’s education, her connections in the entertainment industry that got her her first job on Suits and even before then … he gave her so much of who she is,” Samantha tells In Touch of their dad, who filed for bankruptcy in 2016 and now lives in Mexico, where he is now constantly stalked by paparazzi. “If you can spend $75,000 on a dress, you can spend $75,000 on your dad,” Samantha added, referring to the dress Meghan wore in her engagement photo shoot with Prince Harry.

If you were looking for the icing on this petty cake, it’s sickeningly sweet, as Samantha steered the conversation to Harry and the upcoming wedding, like some sort of full-circle nightmare.

Samantha says Harry called Thomas to ask permission to propose. “That’s the proper way of doing it. Harry is respectful that way, and I know my dad thinks fondly of him.”

Samantha revealed that while Harry and Thomas haven’t yet met, the Prince did ask for permission to propose, saying, “Harry is respectful that way, and I know my dad thinks fondly of him.” She added that while Thomas is “working with a doctor” to improve his bad leg so “he’ll be able to walk Meg down the aisle.”

UGH. It’s one thing to talk crap about their upbringing and Meghan’s relationship with their father but now she’s bringing Doria into the mix. Doria, who has been nothing but discreet because she knows better, and isn’t interested in selling out her child.

As for the money Meghan apparently ‘owes’ Thomas? It’s funny how no one was attacking Megs when she was co-starring on a TV series, demanding she share some of her paycheques with him. But surely Samantha is profiting from selling stories to the press. Perhaps she can give some of what she’s making to their dad.