Another St. Paddy’s Day has passed and our fashion hangover is worse than our actual hangover. Jennifer Garner and Jaimie Lee Curtis made a concerted effort at bringing back the square shoulders of the 80s this past week (don’t worry, they failed), while Kristin Cavallari and Naomi Watts opted for something a little flashier though just as off-putting.
Grab yourself a Gatorade and try to re-hydrate as you peruse all the week’s most belligerent fashion fails.
Naomi Watts and Kristin Cavallari are trying to blind everyone
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Naomi Watts
What do you get when you cross the Tin Man with Darth Vader? We have not idea, but boy does Naomi Watts look goofy in this silver metallic turtleneck top and long black sparkly skirt, neither of which was the right choice. (Though we do applaud the matching mani/pedi.)Getty Images
Ta'Rhonda Jones
Something very pink is happening on Ta’Rhonda Jones. You may not want to look directly at this fuschia long-sleeve dress, matching pink shorts and glittery gladiator sandals, because if you do, you may not be able to look away. Getty Images
Grace Gealey
Grace Gealey’s semi-sexy, semi-professional royal jumpsuit looks like something a lawyer would’ve worn in 2009. The thing is, we’re pretty sure Grace Gealey hasn’t passed the bar, and we’re absolutely certain it isn’t 2009. Getty Images
Jamie Lee Curtis
Jaimie Lee Curtis looks essentially just like she did back when she was walking the red carpet for the release of True Lies (remember that movie?). This is a good thing because she basically hasn’t aged (sure, there’s grey, but that bod!). It’s a bad thing because she’s wearing the same outfit she wore back then. Should’ve left those shoulder pads back in the 80s.Getty Images
Kristin Cavallari
We’re not sure if this 1920s-style flapper girl outfit would’ve worked without that collar, and sadly we’ll never know. Well, we could Photoshop it off, but when’s the last time Kristin Cavallari did us a favour? Getty Images
Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Garner also channeled the 80s with this single-button, square-shouldered blazer. Layered over a tight black dress (which, likely would have looked rad on its own), Jennifer ended up looking more like a retro cocktail waitress. We’re leaving 18 per cent because, frankly, we've had better service.Getty Images
Keke Palmer
We’d like to wish Keke Palmer a speedy recovery, because whatever wound is underneath that surgical wrap she’s wearing as a shirt must be nasty. Note: baggy culottes do not pair with a surgical wrap—the only thing that pairs with surgical wrap is a hospital gown.Getty Images
Emma Roberts
There’s something about this outfit on Emma Roberts that makes us think it was thrown together last-minute. The loose, frilly polka-dot top with the similarly loose black skirt is an unflattering combo. And the red strappy heels? Click them and go home, Dorothy!Getty Images
Lea Michele
The diagonal ruffle looks completely misplaced on Lea Michele’s fitted black mini dress. It’s like that part of the dress was meant to be on the bottom, but the starlet made a rash decision to chop it off and do a quick DIY project to awkwardly sew it to her chest. Where’s that thread ripper? Getty Images
Calista Flockhart
The black-tights-black-heels combo has retired, Calista. Why not opt for a Chelsea boot? That would’ve looked much more modern. Paired with a blush pink button-up blazer, Calista Flockhart’s outfit makes her look ready to step back onto the set of Ally McBeal in 1998. Getty Images
Zoe Kravitz
Zoe Kravitz is taking the fringe trend to a whole new level, and not in a good way, as this is made out of what appear to be old tires. Points for recycling, but not for style. And her hair is styled like this, we can only assume, because she wasn’t quite tall enough for that rollercoaster ride she wanted to go on—now she is. Enjoy the ride, Zoe. Getty Images
Catherine O'Hara
Catherine O’Hara is basically our hero, and her wit has been helping to shape our sense of humour for decades. Unfortunately, now we’ll have to use that sense of humour against her: Catherine, your grey vest over that silk blouse makes you look like a crazy aunt, and those childish pink pumps look like they’ve been borrowed from your 16-year-old niece. Getty Images
Sarah Jessica Parker
There’s a difference between effortlessly stylish and not putting any effort into your style. Sarah Jessica Parker is capable of the former, but, in this case, guilty of the latter. Plus, we’re pretty sure we poked fun at those same shoes last week.Getty Images
Dita von Teese
This is just Dita von Teese doing what she does best, being a Dita von Tease. Sure this floor length sequin gown is sexy and eye-catching, but we can see her crotch. And you should never be able to see a crotch on a red carpet. Never ever. Getty Images
Monica Bellucci
Monica Bellucci needs someone to teach her how to tie a tie. Or at least that’s the message that this look ended up sending. Black pants paired with a boring blazer and a cream top is boring with a capital………. Oh, sorry, we fell asleep on the keyboard a little. Getty Images
Hatty Keane
Nice bum, where you from? Well, this is Hatty Keane, and she’s from the UK. This isn’t how we wanted to introduce you to the British talent, but she’s left us no choice. Meet Hatty, in all her furry-heeled, faux-pearled, jumpsuited glory. Getty Images
Ashley Greene
Ashley Greene is cute as a button, but this metallic blue dress with a single cut-out over her left shoulder is not cute. It’s a sparkly, sticky looking mess…and it also has no buttons. Getty Images
Mayim Bialik
If you throw a black leather jacket over a milk-maid look, you do not look tough. Nobody bothered to tell Mayim Bialik, but it’s the truth. Also, is this skirt made out of crepe paper? It looks like it may melt away in the rain. This look needs accessories! A chunky necklace or a cool choker. Getty Images
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