Life Parenting
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We live in a day and age where we are often overly cautious, particularly when it comes to parenting. Maybe it’s how vastly our environments have changed, from a time when we used to be able to run and play outside freely, and safety never seemed to be an issue. Or maybe we’ve just been watching too many Criminal Minds episodes and have become anxious, neurotic hoverers who have yet to cut the cord.

But even the most helicopter-y of parents need a break, be it a nice meal out, catching a movie that isn’t animated, or drinks with friends — basically, anything to get out of the house. That means that someone’s got to watch the baby. You know, that little human taking up all of your time and energy.

If there’s no family member or friend around to care for your child but you’re absolutely desperate for a couple hours of strictly grown-up time, your only option is to find a sitter. Which is what Reddit user Fordiman and his wife did. The Redditor recently posted an old email he wrote that his wife forwarded to him and it’s … whoa. Because if you thought he was simply going to kiss their kid goodbye, show the sitter how the remotes worked, and scurry out the door, tires screeching as they hit the road, think again. Fordiman, a software engineer (we think this is relevant), left “a quick primer” on how to take care of their baby.

Reddit
Reddit

Fordiman breaks it down, from feedings to crying, diaper-changing and interaction, to the skills the babysitter will need to soothe him. There are headings, sub-headings, bullet points, and it’s a little shocking there weren’t some bolding, italics, underlining, fun fonts and colours within. Or a Powerpoint presentation. Also, there were no spelling or grammatical errors so you know he went over this a couple dozen times. Super-thoughtful.

Reddit
Reddit

You know what’s a bit shocking? That the babysitter didn’t cut and run upon seeing this manual of neuroses awaiting her.

Reddit
Reddit

Hey, at least he’s got it all down, right? The fact that he knows ALL OF THIS means he’s clearly involved and loves his son A LOT, so that’s sweet. Though you know a man who writes an email this lengthy and this explicit is obviously tightly wound, from the way it reads like a memo to the painfully detailed explanation of how to change the baby.

Reddit
Reddit
Reddit
Reddit

It’s also the fact that his son’s bottle needed to be “warmed to blood temperature” (how did the sitter handle that?!), the dancing and music (live guitar?!) and his attempt at a joke (but you know he was dead serious) “Watch the little bugger like a hawk” comment that puts it over the edge. Good grief. Yes. But also? Just plain good.