For example, women will cry in front of their partners after five months while men wait about 11. Women will stop working out after 20 months while men tap out earlier at 14.
Both men and women, however, feel comfortable disclosing their financial situations after eight months. And, at nine months, they are farting in front of each other.
I know, right? Nine entire months!
Let me be clear: I hold my bench warmers in when in the company of strangers and at work—unless I know my rumble in the jungle will be silent and scent-free. Because I’m into wellness, I can think of nothing more natural than letting the gas that’s trapped in my intestine burst out of my butt. But if the back draft is going to boom and be full of stank, I’ll hold it in. And yes, I can tell. Because I am very knowledgeable about flatulence.
I think it’s because I grew up in a fart-friendly family. It was one of many ways we expressed our love and trust in each other. Also, an old mantra I like to live by is this: If somebody lets out a loud fart in public, there’s always someone who will laugh. Pro tip: when you’re with your friends and you feel a good butt belch coming on, lift one leg with your hands and let er’ rip just as you take a small hop on the other leg.
It’s a cheap laugh but it’s still spreads happiness.
So I am quite comfortable farting around Simon because I love him, I love to make him laugh, and also gender equality.
I am also happy to fart in front of the four co-hosts of The Social. The five of us recently holed up in a hotel room for an entire 18 hours in order to catch up. After several bottles of bubbly, room service, snacks and gab seshes (sessions), I had brewed up some real whoppers. So I started to let ‘er rip. It was my way of letting them know that I love, trust, and honour them. It was also an invitation of sorts: I broke wind first and now you don’t have to be embarrassed to let your own butt tuba, trombone, or trumpet join my wind section.
But get this: Not one of them did. Well past midnight I had to ask: Do you guys just not fart? Apparently they do but their back-end blowouts are more like whispers than barks.
Don’t get me wrong, those four women have a lot going on for them. But this made me sad. Think about all that joy and wellness that they will never be able to share with those they love most.
As Buddha once said, and I’m paraphrasing a bit: “Be a lamp to yourself. Be your own confidence. Hold on to the truth within yourself but don’t hold on to the gas trapped in your butt. Let your butt breathe and you shall find the light and the laughter.