Football fans can get a little, well, enthusiastic when it comes to their teams winning big. After big home games — of any sport, really — it’s pretty standard for there to be some kind of celebratory riot. Because, you know the best way to celebrate a big win is by jumping on top of things, climbing tall objects and generally putting yourself in physical danger. That’s what the players would want, right?
Ahead of games when there is more than a little potential for accidental self-inflicted harm in the post-game celebrations, authorities will generally take precautions to keep everyone safe, often with little success. This year, the powers that be in Philadelphia, where the Eagles vs. Minnesota Vikings NFC Championship game was held Sunday, thought that they could discourage over-enthusiastic fans from climbing telephone and light poles in the streets by slicking them up with Crisco. Yeah, that’s right. Crisco. It was like they were trying to become a meme.
Now comes the time in the night where we must warn everyone about the dangers of Saturated Fats. Cheers for #Foles! Jeers for #Poles! It’s a long way down, baby. Celebrate responsibly! pic.twitter.com/mES5MpPTY4
— Philadelphia Police (@PhillyPolice) January 22, 2018
Sunday morning, while city crews spent their time literally slathering shortening on poles, Twitter spent their time mocking the poor public servants. The workers were dubbed the “Crisco Cops” and most people just took the effort as a challenge or a joke rather than a serious attempt at discipline. Chrissy Teigen, ever the voice of reason, wished that she could leave this earth in peace after reading the news.
Good morning from Philly where crews from the city are greasing the light poles with Crisco to prevent #Eagles fans from climbing after the #NFCChampionshipGame tonight. #Vikings pregame coverage starts at 3 on FOX9. They call themselves the #CriscoCops pic.twitter.com/w1ZkYWZhYG
— FOX 9 Sports (@Fox9Sports) January 21, 2018
Crisco cops 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/IxTXvCEvpf
— Dev (@_philadevphia) January 21, 2018
How do you go with Crisco Cops over Grease Police? https://t.co/626T5lgLpS
— Duffy on WCMF (@DuffyOnWCMF) January 21, 2018
Another reason to love sports – creating jobs like “light pole Criso engineer”
— Nick Smith (@nicksmith_30) January 21, 2018
Just another typical Sunday morning in “The City of Brotherly Love”…we normally grease up our poles for large public gatherings.
— Gary Heller (@GaryDHeller) January 21, 2018
I wish that at this very moment i were 95 years old with the plug to my oxygen within my reach https://t.co/8gEb7apVFy
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 21, 2018
Things went about as well as you would expect post-game. The Eagles had a stunning 38-7 victory over the Vikings, sending them to the Super Bowl on February 4 against the New England Patriots. And their fans were a little excited. When your team is heading to the Super Bowl, do you think a little kitchen grease is going to stop you from climbing a pole in celebration? NOPE.
Fans didn’t stop there either. They took to the streets, riding the tops of cars, burning a Tom Brady jersey (can you hear Chris Evans weeping?) and riding a dune buggy down the street for some reason. It was complete anarchy. Apparently there’s no earthly way too keep a super-fan down. Even if it’s for their own personal safety and the safety of others.
The grease didn’t work. pic.twitter.com/it0XDv4Nvs
— Matt Gelb (@MattGelb) January 22, 2018
CRISCO CAN’T STOP THESE FANS!#Philadelphia city workers greased up poles in hopes of stopping fans from climbing them after the #MINvsPHI game.#Eagles fans were up to the challenge. #FlyEaglesFly (per @JessiThorne) pic.twitter.com/hBNTcGIIia
— Chris Stewart (@CStewartWPTV) January 22, 2018
Me climbing the Crisco covered poles in Philly after the game pic.twitter.com/paXXFZzpBB
— #1 Eaglea Fan (@jonny_is_good) January 21, 2018
THERE ISN’T ENOUGH CRISCO ON THE PLANET TO STOP THIS CITY TONIGHT. https://t.co/RPRYxpv0ar
— Dan Campbell (@headabovewater) January 22, 2018
The people of Philadelphia are very skilled arsonists pic.twitter.com/DOJ4SEuXTY
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) January 22, 2018
— Jon (@jewjon) January 22, 2018
According to Deadspin, this isn’t the first time the city of Philadelphia has gone to such lengths to try to prevent pole-climbing fans. They Crisco-ed light posts ahead of the final World Series game in 2008 and the final National League Championship Series game in 2009. It didn’t work then either. But in a city that holds a “greased-pole climbing competition” every year (yes, seriously), what did you expect?
Better luck next time, City of Philly. Enjoy your Super Bowl.