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Officials can’t figure out why town smells like cat pee

Er…did you check the cats? In 2014, residents in New Castle, Pennsylvania reported that part of their town reeked of urine. But not just any urine, cat urine. Environmental officials launched an investigation to figure out the source of the stench, but soon found themselves scratching their heads. In a report the department released this week, officials say it’s likely the smell was coming from waste containing mesityl oxide mixed with some kind of sulfur compound (commonly used in paint removers or insect repellents), but air sample tests couldn’t prove that. We guess residents will just have to get used to their town’s new distinctive scent.

Cat

Chinese man wins bet after swallowing nail and saw blade, but spends winnings on surgery

Personally, we’d still chalk that up as a loss. Xiao Gong of China was a little short on funds when he noticed two people betting over the ability to swallow a nail (which is such a great idea, by the way). When he approached the group, Gong upped the ante by betting that he could swallow both a five-inch nail and a five-inch piece of saw blade for 6,000 Yuan ($1,200). While he managed to er, win the bet, he soon learned the human digestive system can’t process saw blades. Gong went to the hospital after suffering intense pain, and his winnings won’t even cover the bill for his emergency surgery.

Swedish doctors are giving out free penis-measuring tapes

Size does matter…when it comes to selecting the right condom. A health clinic in Stockholm is doling out measuring tapes specifically designed to gauge manhood girth in an attempt to combat the declining use of condoms across the country. A nurse at the clinic says the most common reasons condoms break or slip off is because men aren’t buying the right size. Meanwhile, levels of gonorrhea are on the rise nationwide.

Seinfeld

School Has Funeral When Classroom Skeleton Turns Out To Be Human

Just consider it a lesson in the humanities. When art technician Sandra Dixon noticed a skeleton in a British school used as a prop to teach lessons, she had a sneaking suspicion it might have once belonged to a living, breathing human. After digging into some records, Dixon realized she was correct: the remains belonged to an Indian man who died in the early 1900s. School staff were shocked, since “Arthur” the skeleton had lived in the school for 40 years. When a local funeral home heard the news, they decided to host a ceremony for the skeleton, free of charge. The funeral was held yesterday.

National DUI expert charged with DUI

An attorney in Florida who calls himself “the go-to guy for DUI” was recently charged with, you guessed it, DUI. To make things worse, Tom Hudson is also the author of “The Drinker’s Guide to Driving: The Secrets of DUI from One of America’s Top DUI Lawyers.” He also holds certifications usually reserved for police assigned to DUI enforcement units and can administer breathalyzer tests himself. Nonetheless, a police officer says Hudson was making “jerking movements” while driving and decided to pull him over. As a result, the lawyer soon found himself on the receiving end of a breathalyzer, which pegged him at .12, over the legal limit of .08.

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