Who doesn’t like Dolly Parton? It’s impossible not to get sucked into her sassy charm and everlasting wit. The country legend is 73-years-old, has been working in the industry for 50 years, and she’s still as young and vivacious as ever (though she’d be the first to point out she’s paid a whole lot for it—we stan an honest queen).
As she sat down at Late Night Thursday, the first thing out of Seth Meyer’s mouth was, “You look like a million dollars!” to which she quipped, “That’s how much it cost!” in that notorious chirpy drawl of hers. Don’t ever make the mistake of boiling Dolly down to her looks—that woman is a fierce firecracker with the wit to match. There quite truly are no words to describe her.
Dolly was on the show to talk about a new short series of vignettes based on her songs that have been turned into a Netflix series, and boy does she have some stories to tell. Dolly retold some of her classic tales from the past: like how Johnny Cash, who first introduced her when she was 13 years old at the Grand Ole’ Opry, was her first mega-crush; and how she refused The King, Elvis Presley, the honour of recording “I Will Always Love You” because she didn’t want to give up half the publishing rights let that “Fool Cash In.”
She also revisited one of her most famous songs, “Jolene,” since Seth’s three-year-old is obsessed with the song, offering an impromptu performance of a chorus both for the studio audience and over FaceTime. She then retold the song’s origin story with a never-before-heard modern twist.
“When my husband and I first got married, there was this beautiful girl who worked at the bank, she had everything I didn’t, like long legs, she was tall and beautiful, and he would just spend a lot of time down there,” she said. “And I thought, ‘I know we ain’t got that kind of money!’” She went on to say he claimed his many bank visits were for a loan for his asphalt paving company, but she insisted he start talking to male bank tellers, or else, as she put it, “It’s gonna be your ass AND your fault.” Bazinga.
So that’s how we got the country classic, but Seth had to wonder what Dolly would do today if her husband, Carl Dean, to whom she’s been married for 53 years, encountered another Jolene-type?
“Oh I’d just hide his Viagra,” she deadpanned.
Oh, SNAP. That’s the Dolly we’ve known and loved for all these years!
Our queen of country, being the smart gal’s-gal that she is, refused to let the anecdote end on a jealous note, and reminded us all that there’s no need to be jealous of other women, especially if you recognize your own sexiness. Our queen then rose to her feet to show off her svelte, buxom body, proclaiming, “I’m 73-years-old, can you beat this?”
No. No, we cannot.