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We thought nothing was ever going to top that big twist in the premiere episode of This Is Us but boy were we wrong. Ever since we learned that this is just one big family and that there are time jumps everywhere, we’ve been holding our breath to figure out what’s coming next. We definitely didn’t see Rebecca and Miguel being a thing in the present day last week, but that little twist has nothing on this week’s big reveal: that Rebecca has always known who Randall’s father is.

Um… what?? Rebecca, we just may have to have a conversation here.

First we learned that she’s with Jack’s best friend, and now we learn that she’s been keeping a massive secret like this for 36 years? Geesh. Maybe Mama Becks isn’t as sweet as we originally thought.

This Is Us
NBC/Universal

To be fair, she obviously kept William’s identity a secret because she didn’t want to hurt Randall, a.k.a. the baby who used to be named Kyle. Would you want your adopted child to grow up around a meth-addicted father? Exactly.

Still, our hearts were breaking when those montages of a young William on the bus played. Here was a guy that seemed to have everything – the written word, the love of his life, a seat on the bus just for him… and he threw it all away for drugs. You can’t help but wonder how Randall’s life would have been different had William always been a part of it. We see that he struggles to be “perfect,” something Rebecca has put on him since he was a young kid. So what kind of a breakdown would he actually have if he learned the truth about what his mom did?

It would be devastating, to say the least. We hope he never, ever finds out. Ever.

This Is Us
NBC/Universal

We also hope that some miracle happens, and that William can be saved from the stomach cancer that’s eating away at him. It seems so sad that just when Randall finally found his birth father he also learned that he’s dying. So now we start another emotional journey, wondering if that relationship and life can indeed be salvaged, or if it really is too late; making what Rebecca did maybe a little worse despite all of her best intentions.

Please, never let Randall find out.

Meanwhile, here are all the other times This is Us pulled at our heartstrings on Tuesday night:

  • Kate and Toby are the best. Like, actually the best. The way he brought her to the nursing home to sing and to give her the star treatment was beyond perfect. Here’s hoping those two make it through.
  • Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Just when we thought he was maybe the most selfish person on the planet he realized just what kind of affect he was having on his sister and he took off so that she could find herself. Awesome.
  • We kind of want to read some Dudley Randall now that we know where Randall’s name originates.
  • How great was the reappearance of the doctor, who let Jack take a nap on his couch for a little bit? Any new parent would be so grateful for that little refresher.
  • We’re happy the show touched on Rebecca’s postpartum a little bit. We can’t forget that she did lose a baby, and that’s something that would definitely take a toll on a person.
  • Did anyone else tear up a little when baby Randall finally took to the breast? Pass the tissues please, because we’ve got another new episode coming up next week.

This Is Us airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on CTV.