Ah, kids. What charming, beautiful, and ultimately terribly ungrateful beings. Don’t get us wrong, we love kids, we think they’re a gift. Just an incredibly expensive and fragile one. We spend thousands of dollars on carefully curated baby items only for them to toss them aside to play with the cardboard boxes they came in. If an adult tried to pull a stunt like that we would disown them quicker than you could click “unfriend” on Facebook. Kids just happen to be cute enough to get away with it.
Ok, ok, so maybe they have other redeeming qualities too, and of course, if you’re anything like us you still only want what’s best for them. The best education, nutritious meals, and stimulating over-priced decorative wares that somehow get sold to you as a toy. Yet, what you think is the best, they will often detest, leaving you to pound your head against a wall. Case in point, this Vancouver Craigslist ad:
Do you dream of your perfect European child scooting across your hardwood floors, waving “hullo mama!” as you relax in your Pøang chair?
Then this is the bulls**t European baby scooter made of wood and smugness for you.
Our child, a failure in our eyes, did not like it. She looked great posing on it though. So it’s perfect for posting #Instabrags to Fritter™.
But then she would notice the oh-so-bleeping-Wes-Andersony wobbly antennae on the front, lean forward, and plam!
So it does make a great wobbly antennae toy. And while your kid bats at them like Ralph Wiggums as the other kids scoot around on their plastic Walmart deathmobiles, you can console yourself knowing at least your scooter looks like a hipster footstool from Urban Outfitters.
Also have the box.
This parent clearly gets us. And $40 for that ladybug is a bargain! We know because we’ve been eyeing it for our unborn babies for months now. And even though we known our as-yet-to-be-named children will probably hate it, we’re going to buy it anyway. You know why? Because we’re all a bunch of suckers. Need proof? Here are some fellow suckers who commented about the ad:
“Yup. Forget the adorably, fully-stocked antique kitchen I found at a thrift store. No, my kid is busy with a week-old balloon animal that basically looks like a large pink condom at this point.” – Hooterific
“I bought a fancy pants European wooden dollhouse off Craigslist. All my kid wanted to do with it is make the little people go to the bathroom or jump off the roof. Bleep this thing” – Itscocopop
“As a parent, I so feel their pain. Mini Pie is only 15 months and yet I can’t even count the amount of times we, or friends and family, have bought her something and she’s either disinterested in the present all together or she much prefers the box it came in. Kids suck.” – Pie-Pie
There you have it. Somewhere, there’s a giant toddler laughing at us all.
It should be pointed out that the original Craigslist ad was flagged and removed. Some say it’s because it wasn’t real, that no parent would ever publicly speak this way about their child, but we think it’s because they simply couldn’t handle the truth.