We’re just going to come out and say it – Bradley Cooper in A Star Is Born is peak B Coop. A man who has always been hot, Jackson Maine is Cooper at his hottest. We thought we had our sexual awakening around puberty, but Cooper’s long hair, sunburnt skin and scraggly beard made us realize we were only using 10 per cent of our sexual awareness. This hat is the other 90 per cent. That profile is sex on a stick.
The graveled voice. The cowboy boots. The jeans he wears like he’s doing them a favour. Cooper may have told Oprah he’s embarrassed that he didn’t get an Oscar nomination for Best Director, but he’s already won Best Director, Cinematographer, Editor, Actor, and Key Grip of our sexual fantasies with his new look. We don’t even know what a Key Grip does, but it sounds hot.
Part of us feels a little bad about objectifying Cooper and his looks in such a beautiful and important film, but the other part of us thinks that the 44-year-old actor would sign off on the female gaze. He’s a feminist. A super, duper, hottie McHotterson, pour some sugar on us-feminist.
There could be 99 roles played by Bradley Cooper in a room, but only one of them is as hot as Jackson Maine. It’s Jackson Maine. B Coop knows it.
Before you start composing tweets to tell us that Bradley Cooper has always been hot, let us stop you right there. We know. The man is first name Smoke, last name Show. But Bradley Cooper a-la A Star Is Born is the hottest iteration of Bradley Cooper to ever grace the big screen. Don’t @ us. We have the receipts.
Photographic evidence that ‘A Star Is Born’ Bradley Cooper is the hottest Bradley Cooper
Wet Hot American SummerWet Hot American Summer Bradley Cooper is hilarious and a cutie.Eureka Pictures
A Star Is BornBut this man is Wet Hot.Warner Bros. Pictures
LimitlessThere was a limit to Cooper’s hotness in Limitless, but we were still feeling the long hair.Relativity Media
A Star Is BornBut we FEEEEEL Jackson, you feeling us?Warner Bros. Pictures
AlohaAloha was our first intro to Bradley in camo, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Columbia Pictures
A Star Is BornBut there’s, like, nothing wrong with A Star Is Bradley.Warner Bros. Pictures
American SniperMore camo and more of Cooper to thirst after in American Sniper. We appreciate the extra pounds and extra facial hair.Warner Bros. Pictures
A Star Is BornBut a cowboy hat is always going to beat a backwards hat. It’s just science, or something.Warner Bros. Pictures
American HustleWe’re only including American Hustle because Cooper was nominated for an Oscar, but that perm killed our vibe.Columbia Pictures
A Star Is BornThis is a face that needs to be making acceptance speeches. Warner Bros. Pictures
Silver Linings PlaybookSilver Linings Playbook had a silver lining and that was the start of Cooper’s ASIB facial hair transformation. The Weinstein Company
A Star Is BornTransformation complete. You complete us, ASIB Bradley.Warner Bros. Pictures
The HangoverThe Hangover Bradley Cooper is *thiiiis* close to Jackson Maine-hotness.Warner Bros. Pictures
A Star Is BornBut you can’t underestimate the hotness of the weary looking, low voice Cooper in A Star Is Born. More like, A Baby Is Made…every time someone watches this movie.Warner Bros. Pictures
CTV’s live coverage of the 91st Oscars begins Sunday, February 24 at 5:30 p.m. ET with etalk Live at the Oscars. Don’t miss a minute of the star-studded red carpet action: Follow along on social @etalkctv or join the conversation using #etalkredcarpet! For the latest Oscars news, exclusive interviews and more, visit etalk.ca/Oscars.