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Holy Cow! Runaway Bovine Drops From Sky, Damages House

Looks like they should’ve moooooved. A couple living in Waldfischbach-Burgalben, Germany went outside to investigate after they heard a loud bang coming from their roof this week. We’re guessing what they found left them pretty confused. Laying in their backyard garden was a fully-grown cow. After a “short spell of dizziness,” the animal was able to get back up to its feet. As for where it came from? Police say it fell off a cliff behind the house, and they have already located the cow’s owner. The animal is expected to make a full recovery.

Florida man accidentally shoots himself, notices 2 days later

Oh, America. Michael Blevins, 37, had just finished cleaning his revolver when he decided to load it (bad idea), and then rest it on his chest (even worse idea). While the gun was sitting precariously on his body, Blevins’ back gave out due to a previous injury and he fell on the floor, setting off the gun. Since he was on medication due to the back injury, Blevins said he didn’t feel the wound on his arm. It wasn’t until he changed out of the black shirt he was wearing (which took two days, apparently) that he noticed the blood stain and checked into a hospital.

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Argument results in two drivers boxing each others’ cars in for A YEAR

You have to admire their commitment. Two motorists who got into a fistfight last year in China apparently weren’t satisfied with the blows they exchanged in the parking lot. As a result, one of the drivers positioned their Porshe to block the other person’s BMW. The vehicles have been sitting in the same spot since April 2015, and now they’re covered in leaves, twigs and bird poop. Both of the people involved have since used other cars to commute to and from work, while allowing the luxury models to rot (rich people, amirite?). Police are now hoping to resolve the issue.

Twitter user gets ‘help’ finding weed from Sarasota police

After all, cops know all kinds of drug dealers. Someone with the Twitter handle @preznixon16 was apparently looking for marijuana this week when she tweeted out “WHOS IN SARASOTA FLORIDA AND HAS WEED.” Fortunately, the Sarasota Police Department was quick to respond to the request, writing “If you’d like to stop by our HQs, our Narcotics Detectives would be more than happy to talk.” It’s unlear if @preznixon16 ever took them up on their offer, but for the sake of hilarity, we really hope so.

Woman reports robbery to avoid paying restaurant bill

Which means she basically called the cops on herself–nice. Police officers in Ohio received a call this week reporting that a robber with a gun had entered a Gold Star Chili location. When fourteen officers responded, they quickly realized no robbery had occurred. Which is when they turned their attention to the only customer in the restaurant: 21-year-old Destiny Janee Watson. Restaurant staff told police that they were suspicious of Watson because she had been at the business for three hours and kept saying someone was coming to pay her bill for her. When officers got consent to search her phone, they found a record of the 911 call. #Busted.

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