It’s hard to find anything remotely funny about Harvey Weinstein‘s sexual midconduct allegations and the victims who have spoken out about it — but leave it to the late-night hosts to give it a whirl. The best thus far comes from a woman, obviously, as Samantha Bee doled out some simple yet profound business advice for men who are confused about how to treat women they work with.
“Fellas, I’m a big comedy star-slash-Hollywood executive and I found that it’s quite easy not to masturbate in front of my employees,” Bee said in a “Penis PSA” from Wednesday night’s Full Frontal. “In fact, it’s one of the easiest things I don’t do. Every day I wake up, get dressed, take the subway to work, and then DON’T MASTURBATE IN FRONT OF ANYONE.”
Easy, right? But just in case you’re still not sure, she reiterated: “Next time you get the urge to masturbate, just ask yourself, ‘Am I in front of an employee or a colleague?’ And if the answer is yes, don’t. Just … don’t.”
If that’s not enough, Bee went ahead and broke the hearts of many by talking about the way a penis looks — and it ain’t pretty. “Even the straightest, horniest woman who loves you the most is hoping you get it inside her without her having to look at it.”
And just when you thought this was merely a PSA for men in general, she took specific aim at Weinstein and other high-level Hollywood execs — without naming any names — by advising to not show your penis to strangers, take pics of it, and not “whip it out at film festivals.” Because no one wants to see it there — or anywhere, frankly.
She concluded the PSA by telling men out there to ask themselves some important questions and left them with a suggestion so straightforward that even the simplest simpleton would understand.
Similar to The Rock Test — which asks those men whose eyes wander up and down a female colleague’s body to envision Dwayne Johnson‘s body instead — Bee’s words of wisdom are an awakening for all. Admittedly, it’s sad that some men actually require these kinds of instructions to view other human beings with respect, but hey, if it works, fine by us.