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Sausage-wielding gang attacks vegan cafe

That’ll show ’em! The owners of a vegan cafe in Georgia say a group of protesters entered their establishment this week and started hurling grilled meat, fish and sausages at patrons. You may not be surprised to learn that a fight broke out after owners tried to get the gang to leave. The attackers left before police arrived but several employees from the restaurant were taken in for questioning. The owners believe the protesters were angry about the presence of a vegan cafe in the area.

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Sniper needed to protect penguins on Stanley beach, senator says

We should call in a few nukes to save the polar bears while we’re at it. The Australian state of Tasmania has been plagued by dog attacks lately, which have left 14 penguins dead. As a result, Senator Peter Whish-Wilson believes it’s time to break out the big guns–literally–and station an army sniper near the beaches affected. A spokeswoman for Tasmania Parks and Wildlife, however, has come out and rejected the idea. Other politicians have also called it extreme. But Australia has actually deployed snipers to deal with pests in the past.

Cyclist’s Breast Implants Burst in Surprise Kangaroo Attack

Humans might think kangaroos are cute, but it turns out they don’t feel the same way about us. Australian residents Sharon Heinrich and Helen Salter were riding a bike trail in Clare Country when they stopped to check out a kangaroo they encountered. “I saw him and thought ‘Oh, isn’t he cute’—then he was on top of me,” Heinrich reportedly said. The kangaroo kicked the pair off of their bikes and hopped off. Unfortunately, the blow left Heinrich with cracked ribs and ruptured breast implants. She’s expected to make a full recovery.

Man ‘horrified’ after passport photo resembled Hitler

Airport customs is going to be a hoot. Stuart Boyd says he was “completely horrified” after realizing his new passport photo resembled Adolf Hitler this week. Even though Boyd doesn’t have any facial hair, the passport photo’s watermark makes it look like he has a small mustache. It also messed with his hairstyle. Needless to say, Stuart is now waiting for a replacement passport to be issued.

Man’s 29 Miley Cyrus tattoos are ruining his love life

You could say the skin art is taking a wrecking ball to his relationships. UK resident Carl McCoid, 43, got a tad obsessed with Miley Cyrus a few years ago and decided to get 29 tattoos inspired by the pop star. These tattoos include the words “Miley Cyrus” inked across his chest, along with portraits of her face on his torso. But after the art took a toll on his dating life, he’s decided to spend $3,893 to have it removed. As for Cyrus, she’s aware of the tattoos, and called them “ugly” and “creepy”.

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