Their names are most often spoken as one, but ever since Chris Hyndman‘s sudden, shocking passing last summer, Steven Sabados has been on his own. It’s one thing to see your partner day-in and day-out at home, but the two men also worked together, spending nearly every waking hour with one another. So, to go from that to—well, this—has been tough.
“Who’s Steven without Chris?” says Sabados, who recently joined etalk‘s Traci Melchor for an intimate conversation in the couple’s beautiful home about Hyndman and life without him. The first of the three-part interview series between the old friends aired Tuesday on etalk and continues through Thursday night (7 p.m. ET on CTV).
“I come home and say, ‘Hello.’ And when I leave I say, ‘Goodbye,’ and when I go to bed I say, ‘Come on, let’s go to bed.’ I talk to him every day. Every second,” he adds. “He is here, he’s everywhere.”
Sabados and Hyndman were two halves of one team for more than 25 years (they began dating in 1988 and became professional partners four years later, finding great success with their CBC daytime show, Steven and Chris), and Hyndman’s death on Aug. 3, 2015 has left him at a loss as to who he is without his partner.
“It’s this journey back to me,” he says. “Me sort of figuring out life on my own. And who is Steven? I don’t know yet.”
The support he’s received over the past months has been emotional, overwhelming and uplifting, and even if he doesn’t or can’t respond, Sabados wants to make it known that he reads all of it. But he also admits, he has his ups and downs, and while he is okay some days, other days, he wants to “lock the doors, not talk to anyone, turn my phone off and stay in bed,” but acknowledges, “That’s not going to help.”
It’s Hyndman’s presence that keeps Sabados from breaking down, whether he’s working on new S&C products or finding the strength to sit down for interviews like this one with Melchor. Talking about what he’s going through is a help.
“I think the most important thing, the most positive thing you can do is actually go through it,” Sabados says. “Everyone wants to force [the pain] down. You know, ‘Don’t think about it.’ But just be in the moment. You have to be in the moment. It’s just going to come up anyway.”
A photo posted by Steven and Chris (S&C) (@stevenandchris) on
Part 3 of etalk‘s exclusive interview with Steven Sabados airs Thursday at 7 p.m. ET on CTV or go to etalk.ca for more.