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The Oscars celebrate the biggest names in Hollywood, with A-list actors and directors being recognized for their impressive body of work over the past year. The Oscars also celebrate a whole lot of filmmakers whose names you won’t recognize. These are the people who have spent their lives and often their life savings on making passion project films that they hope will be seen by more people than those working the concession stand at their local indie theatre. Think Emma Stone in La La Land before she dreamed of her one-woman show being a success. For those people, the Oscar gift bags are a pretty great swag bag–too bad they don’t get them.

Instead, the gift bags are given out to the 25 nominees that make up the Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress and Best Director categories ie. the people you have heard of and the ones that can actually afford a private phobia relief sessions with the world’s number one phobia expert, Kalliope Barlis. Yeah, that’s a thing and it’s included in the Oscars gift bag.

The gift bags, which are not officially affiliated with the Oscars and instead are presented by a Los Angeles marketing firm called Distinctive Assets, are titled ‘Everyone Wins,’ although only five people in these categories win and the rest will instead get the title of ‘Academy Award nominee’ before their name in every movie trailer from here on out.

The bag comes with close to 50 gifts, ranging from a Mister Poop Emoji Plunger (seriously) to a three-day stay at a luxury wellness retreat in Malibu (seriously). As far as what to get for the celebrity who has everything, a plunger and a vacation feel strangely fitting. If you win, you need to stay humble and clean your own toilet. If you lose, crying at a luxury resort instead of your sad couch seems like an upgrade.

Award show gifts bags are always a wild mix of inexpensive, everyday products and outrageous high-end products that only the A-listers receiving the bag could afford, which feels kinda like businesses shooting themselves in the foot, but maybe this is how they hook the big names. Distinctive Assets hasn’t released the official number for how much the gifts cost in total, but a rough estimate puts the Grab Bag at $70,000 USD. So yeah, they’re pretty nice.

There are gifts for the nominees with a heart. We especially like the the Jarritos-filled Yeti Coolers, which come with a commitment from Jarritos to donate a pallet of their soft drinks to a charitable event of the nominee’s choice. There’s also PETA Agent for Animals Spy Pens, TAPS for Hope Afghan lapis bracelets, which support Afghan widows and female business owners in Afghanistan, and Love Is Stronger Than Hate tote bags.

This year’s gift bags have no shortage of products for the pot-loving nominees, with the bag including Coda Signature premium cannabis-infused edibles, topicals and concentrates, an annual VIP membership to MOTA, which is LA’s first cannabis-friendly social club, and High Beauty High Five Cannabis Facial Moisturizer and High Expectations Cannabis Facial Oil Instytutum skincare products. Nominees also receive a Kusshi makeup bag/organizer, which doesn’t actually have anything to do with marijuana, but Kusshi sounds like kush.

The price spread between products is significant, with nominees receiving a luxury small-ship adventure with International Expeditions and a choice of Amazon, Galapagos, Iceland or Costa Rica-Panama voyages, all the way to Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies. The high-ticket items are just as plentiful as the inexpensive goodies, with nominees receiving an organic field-to-table dinner for two at Flora Farms in Los Cabos, Mexico, a week-long Greek beachfront escape at Avaton Luxury Villas Resort, a week at the Golden Door luxury wellness resort, a poolside dinner from Nest Seekers International for nominees and friends prepared by a celebrity chef, and personal training sessions with celebrity trainer Alexis Seletzky.

Beauty products and procedures are of course included, because…Hollywood. In addition to haircare and makeup products like Le Céline Confidence & Star Appeal luxury eyelashes, MZ Skin Lift & Lustre serum and Hydra-Bright eye masks, It’s a 10 Haircare Miracle hair dryer, and Blush & Whimsy magical color changing lipstick, the gift bag includes a rejuvenating beauty treatment from the New York City-based Dr. Konstantin Vasyukevich, “Age Interventionist” Renee Lynn’s CBDRxSupreme protocol, and dental products, like CloSYS, the spa kit for your mouth, and dental health products from Knotty Floss.

Customized items are also a big hit in the gift bag, with nominees receiving one-of-a-kind customized fragrances from Sue Phillips of Scenterprises and one-of-a-kind custom stained glass portraits from artist John Thoman.

But our favourite items may be the ones that really humble the nominees and make them seem like regular people. We’re talking about the hands-free dog safety leash, the one-year subscription to the Wall Street Journal, the salted-toffee pretzel crisp bars and the hand-crafted posh pretzels. Who doesn’t love pretzels?

 

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More perfect together than @arod & @jlo 💫✨💖✨💫

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CTV’s live coverage of the 91st Oscars begins Sunday, February 24 at 5:30 p.m. ET with etalk Live at the Oscars. Don’t miss a minute of the star-studded red carpet action: Follow along on social @etalkctv or join the conversation using #etalkredcarpet! For the latest Oscars news, exclusive interviews and more, visit etalk.ca/Oscars.

 

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