Another year, another season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Pretend all you want like you’re not interested but like a train wreck, we know you won’t be able to help yourself.
The upcoming season looks to have its share of ups and downs, with Kim trying to get pregnant again, Khloe, Kris and Bruce embarking on singledom, and Kendall and Kylie looking to branch off from the Kardashian-ness of it all. Trying to keep up with all the tidbits we learned from the trailer is a tough job but somebody had to do it. You’re welcome.
Kim: “I’m not going to buy her a f*cking pair of shoes. I bought her a f*cking career.”
Is she talking about Kendall? Their mom? Baby North? Well, it is her sex tape that bought them all careers so maybe Kim has a right to be indignant. Or, perhaps she’s referring to Duchess Kate. Lord
Disick knows she could use some better footwear.
Scott: “Spread ’em wide, spread ’em long like you’re at the gynecologist’s, I’ll go in there like a lawn mower.“
The “ow!” from Kourtney followed by the “Whoa!” from Scott only means one thing: Lord Disick should worry about trimming his own face before ever thinking about trimming Kourt down there again.
Kris: “Kendall’s whole world is gonna change.“
Jenner seems more like an unhappy momager who would rather her daughter go down the reality route than a catwalk. Ugh. Go, Kendall!
Khloe: “Was Kanye just here? You didn’t bone in the bathroom? That’s how hard you’re trying?”
Kimye might want to give daughter North a baby sister or brother but bathroom sex just seems a little low-rent, even for these two.
Brody: “Bruce on the loose!”
Clearly Brody is referring to his newly single dad but he could easily be talking about Bruce’s face, which is more taut than ever.
Khloe: “He’s younger than Kim and Kourtney.”
Scott might’ve hoped that Kris would find a “mature normal guy” but instead his stepmom found Corey Gamble, a road manager who works with Scooter Braun. Kris has mastered the art of courting drama, non?
Kourtney might not be the brightest bulb but her response to being in Kim’s video game is as good as we’re going to get from her. And the cease and desist letter? Perfection.
Brody: “Do you think Kim and Kanye really gave a f*ck?”
SO many ways to parse that. Brody may have been referring to his absence from the Kimye Wedding Extravaganza but he could’ve easily been referring to their view on the world, in general.
Kendall: “Do you think we need therapy?”
Kendall may have been asking her sisters’ opinion but we’d like to put in our two cents and say that she and Kylie are probably the most normal ones of the family. So, the last two Ks who need any help.
Khloe: “I can’t do this anymore, it’s not f*cking fair.”
Poor Khloe seems like she’s fighting with on-and-off-again beau French Montana but maybe she’s saying her final goodbye to ex Lamar Odom. In either case, can they both leave her alone so she can find a more deserving man?
Scott: “Now I’m gonna look like an a**hole!”
Nuff said. Lord Disick’s got us covered.