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The Oscars this year will celebrate white actors from the silver screen, spanning movies that deal with themes of isolation, self-empowerment and space wars. The Oscars also celebrate substantially rich people, which is why the gift bags always just seem so intensely over the top. As in, why do these already very rich people need, well, any of this stuff?

This year, the unofficial gift bag of the Oscars, presented by Distinctive Assets (a marketing company that is not linked to the Oscars at all, and is being sued by the Oscars for trademark infringement), is full of high ticket items totaling $321,367.50. Three of the items exceed $49,000, or, the average salary in Canada as of 2014.  There’s also face cream in this bag that costs slightly more than the average Canadian family pays in income tax ($32,369).

We’ve organized the 43 items in this year’s celebrity swag bag from lowest ($) to highest ($$$$$). As you move down the list, prepare to see toilet paper that costs more than the $327 the average Canadian household spent on cereal in 2014. And a $345 arouser (a vibrator), and, well, you’ll see…

2016 Oscar Swag Bag – What’s Inside

1. Chapstick ($8)
2. Mission1 protein bar ($8)
3. Gleener on the Go ($17)
4. Hydroxycut Gummies ($28)
5. Purely Inspired Organic Protein ($28)
6. Dandi Patch, for sweat stains ($29)
7. Druzy earrings ($34.50)
8. Slimware plates ($41)
9. Chocolatines Drunken Fig Cake Bites ($48)
10. Greenhill Blanc de Blancs wine ($54)
11. Memobottles ($65)
12. Phantom Glass screen protector ($69-$83)
13. Signature Vodka ($97)
14. El Silencio Mezcal ($104)
15. Rouge Maple culinary products ($137)
16. Sedone Lace makeup brush set ($152)
17. Tribute video services ($173)
18. Wallet ($173)
19. Caolion Ultimate Pore Care gift set ($185)
20. Sterling silver necklace ($207)
21. Healing Saint Luminosity skin serum and hair follicle stimulant ($266)
22. Blow dryers and flat irons ($345)
23. Haze Dual Vaporizer ($345)
24. Nuelle Fiera arouser for her ($345)
25. Joseph’s Toiletries toilet paper ($380)
26. Personalized M&Ms ($414)
27. Belldini gift certificate ($414)
28. Sundial powder coating ($690)
29. 10 personal training sessions with Alexis Seletzky ($1,242)
30. 3 fitness training sessions with Jay Cardiello ($1,932)
31. Vampire Breast Lift ($2,622)
32. Delovery gift basket ($2,760)
33. 3-day stay at the Golden Door Resort & Spa in San Marcos, CA ($6,624)
34. 3-night stay at the Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria in Sorrento, Italy ($6,900)
35. 3-night stay at the Grand Hotel Tremezzo in Lake Como ($6,900)
36. Steamist spa system ($6,983)
37. 740 Park plastic surgery ($7,632)
38. Fit Club TV “Ultimate Fitness Package” ($8,626)
39. A 10,000-meal donation made in the nominee’s name to an animal shelter or rescue of their choice ($8,695)
40. A lifetime supply of Pu-erh Tea Nourishing Cream and Pu-erh Tea Cleansing Bar ($43,059)
41. A year’s worth of Silvercar rentals ($62,105)
42. Private walking tour of Japan for up to 15 days ($74,525)
43. 10-day all-expenses-paid trip to Israel ($75,906)