You go from being happy and dreamy and carrying a baby to…numbness. Sadness. A funk that’s beyond description. But you don’t want to let on what’s happened, what’s gotten you stunned and grieving, the pain you went through physically and the agony you’re going through emotionally.
Miscarriages happen to many women, maybe yourself, someone you know, even the last person you’d expect. Because they never revealed what happened and, outwardly, it seemed like everything was Okay. That’s what most people do, right? Not let everyone know just how crappy life can be sometimes, instead preferring to project perfection. But that’s not what Jennifer Chen is doing.
“My very first pregnancy had become my very first miscarriage.”
She decided to create a video that sheds light on miscarriages. In it, she opens up — and even reenacts — her experience, everything from an unsympathetic doctor, her completely supportive husband, an awful complication and her uncertainty of whether to update her Facebook status with this revelation.
“I first thought my miscarriage was shameful and unusual,” she said. “I’ve since learned that it’s just something women don’t want to talk about — but should.”
There’s nothing shameful or unusual about a miscarriage. Miscarriage is death and just like any equally dark topic, it can become taboo or too uncomfortable to talk about. It’s something a woman or couple quietly mourns, and maybe only tells close friends and family.
But not Chen; on the contrary, when she talked with friends, she learned that some had also gone through the same thing. One encouraged her to look up the hashtag #IHadaMiscarriage, and from that, her story and her desire to let women know they’re not alone was born.
Perhaps the only thing worse than losing something this precious is pretending it never existed. If you’re comfortable discussing it, don’t reduce what was once a miracle to a topic unfit for polite conversation. Speak. Share. You might be surprised by how much comfort you get.
See more of Chen’s story in the video, above.