There are a lot of terrible jean designs taking up precious retail space in the world — $216 thong jeans, transparent jeans, inside out jeans, jeans covered in fake mud — but these lace-up jeans might very well be the most god awful pair on the market.
Because, let’s face it, these are jeans the same way Fruit Loops are a part of a complete breakfast.
Brought into the world by LA-based Fashion Nova, lace-up jeans — which, really, can hardly be considered “jeans” since there’s almost more string/lace than actual denim material involved in these things — are made from a cotton, polyester, spandex blend and come in a light denim wash with white laces. There’s a zipper in the back of the pants for easy(ish) access on and off.
Most alarming is that nearly every pair of the $64-a-pop-pant, from size XS to 3XL, is sold out. According Fashion Nova’s website, there are still some pairs of L available for purchase, though you can sign up to be notified when they’re restocked in your size.
Currently, just two brave souls have publicly reviewed the lace-up jeans, and both have left five stars. In terms of barely-there jeans, apparently this particular pair delivers.
“Just received mines today in the mail and I’m usually a M but i bought a L and they fit really good. Same as the photo as always and very comfortable I can’t wait to wear them,” writes a user named Brittany.
“I’m 5’3 174 pound i brought a size L and they fit perfect,” writes Lola B, another satisfied customer.
But others aren’t so keen. One user on Instagram, @jennybogdala, is concerned that the side ties will make her “look like ham” once her legs are in place. And @summercloudburst thinks these have crosses the line: “You all have gone too far. Someone please call the fashion police.”
The thought of getting into a pair of lace-up jeans seems like a test in patience. Pulling on a pair of fishnet nylons without sending your foot through one of the holes is frustrating enough, but imagine trying to get these things on your bod? It all sounds exhausting. We’ll take yoga pants, instead.