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Restaurateur Justin Valmassoi is set to open a restaurant just outside of Glasgow on July 1, 2015, and he’s on the hunt for a new sous chef. But tired of all the generic resumés, Valmassoi figured a straight-shooting approach for seeking out new talent might be just the thing to find the perfect person.

He took to Gumtree to post the job and, well, it’s not your average advertisement (the ad has since been taken down). First off, let’s start with his catchy title: “Looking for someone fast, progressive, and not a total **** for a new restaurant in Clarkston.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

He also needs someone who can “work unsupervised and still make quality food.” Right. Shouldn’t be a problem. Valmassoi also adds that there will be “no eggs benedicts.” Even better.

If you have fine dining experience, or are a baker, that’s a plus. But “if your idea of a good sandwich is a tuna mayo like your gran makes then please don’t bother responding.” It becomes even more brutally honest when talking about pay but, just think, he could be this guy:

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“The money is sh*t.” And don’t bother asking for more since you’ll “literally be making more than me.” But it’s not all bad. If you like your evenings freed up, it’s the perfect place, at least for the first six months, as he only plans to keep the place open until 5 p.m. each day. And Valmassoi says you can have some creative freedom with the menu. And best of all, no uniform! “Just sensible shoes, a t-shirt or button-down and an apron.

While Valmassoi acknowledges he is an obnoxious d*ckhead, he reassures applicants that after three years, he’s a total sweetheart. You know, if you last that long. Ready to sign up?