We all know dating can be hard. Well, it’s especially hard when your bedtime is 9:30 and your assigned desk is all the way across the classroom from your S.O. Ah, the obstacles of a middle school relationship. If only there was a fool-proof solution to all the conceivable relationship problems. We’d definitely be a lot happier with that kind of security. How about an ironclad, super specific contract to settle all uncertainties that can be returned to at any time as evidence? One Grade eight girl seemed to think that was the best way to lock down her man.
Mat Linsky found this girl’s contract for her boyfriend in the hall at a middle school and posted it to Twitter. The contract outlines very specifically what this boyfriend can (“buy me food”) and cannot (“hug these hoes”) do.
Found on the floor after class in a middle school: a relationship contract between 8th graders. (He signed it) pic.twitter.com/SPmDjNdjVi
— max linsky (@maxlinsky) June 10, 2016
To be quite honest, we’re having some mixed feelings about this contract. Parts of it are reasonable and downright wise. Like when she says “you have to give me lots of hugs” and “if we have problems we will resolve them.” That makes sense. But we are a little concerned about the rest of it. Starting with this 13-year-old’s use of the word “hoe” to refer to apparently all other girls. What are they teaching kids these days? Somebody hook this girl up with Michelle Obama so we can have a good discussion about female empowerment and self respect. We are also mildly concerned about the line “you can’t break my heart because if you break my heart I will break your face,” and hoping it is an exaggeration.
According to Linsky though, the boyfriend signed the contract meaning he is now legally bound to its terms. Uh oh. We’ve not sure what it means that it was found crumpled on the floor. Trouble in paradise?
Whatever happened to this young couple, we do not envy their position. There is no amount of money you could pay us to make us want to go back to middle school. Godspeed, young lovers.
WATCH: On a more positive note, watch as these adorable kids explain what it feels like to be in love.