IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?!
Bondara has just unveiled the SexFit, a “sex tracker” similar to popular fitness tracking devices like FitBit. Worn at the base of the penis, this Bluetooth-enabled cock ring tracks your sexual performance using “internal technology similar to a pedometer”, and sends the information back to a mobile app, which you can then share on social media. Yes, SHARE, so everyone knows what you’re like in the sack.
Similar to other c-rings, the device helps guys stay erect and vibrates for extra enjoyment. However, the vibrations are meant to pace your romp activity with pre-set rhythms, which act as a guide for your thrusting, thereby creating “the most effective stimulation”. Lights on the top illuminate when your rhythm is just right. Let’s be clear, it’s not that much different from other c-rings and couples sex toys already on the market — like the We-Vibe.
Your sex “workout” is then uploaded to the SexFit app, which will tell you you how many calories were burned based on your thrusts per minute. Also, much like other fitness trackers, users can share their “workouts” with friends on social media. Because that’s what we need — more over-sharing. While it sounds novel, this toy seems like more of a trendy gimmick than a sex enhancer.
So what good can come of posting your sexual activity on social media? Soon, we’ll all have to suffer humble brag tweets from smug, coupled-up friends, in addition to our annoyingly healthy fitness fanatic friends. I’m sure our families will really appreciate seeing ‘Just got 50 thrusts per minute! #getfit #goals #fitchallenge #teamwork,’ in their newsfeeds. Maybe one day, our kids will get to find the exact status in which they were conceived…
I’m all about pushing one’s sexual boundaries, but how is timing your thrusts to the rhythm of a vibrator an accurate measure of sexual aptitude? (#boring) If I wanted a steady rhythm, I would use a vibrator. If I wanted a light show, I would take ecstasy and turn on my old lava lamp. And if I wanted to over-complicate sex, I’d involve a table full of food, a jungle gym, a set of brothers, pudding-filled water balloons, a giant stuffed gorilla and the soundtrack from The Bodyguard, not a sexual fitness tracker. (You’re not burning THAT many calories, people. Unless you’re doing it on a treadmill. Which sounds dangerous, but sexy.)
The quality of a sexual experience should not be measured by thrusts every minute, but the lust in every minute.
Now let’s make that into a motivational Instagram post!
NOTE: The SexFit is still in development, and Bondara’s blog states that they hope to start product testing before the end of the year.