We’re three episodes deep into the seventh, and possibly final season of Pretty Little Liars and we finally have our first dead body. It was good one, too.
Tuesday’s episode (July 5) included a tearful Spencer telling Team #Haleb supporter, Caleb that she’s not okay with him still pining for her bestie and his ex Hanna, because, “We’re not in high school anymore.” No, no you’re not Spencer, and that means the Liars are finally figuring sh*t out in a timely manner. Maybe it’s thanks to the Apple watches.
We’ve known in our gut since the Season 6 time hop that Dr. Elliott Rollins was bad news. That feeling was confirmed in the Season 6 finale when he peeled off the greatest mask ever created outside of Avatar, to reveal himself as an evil Brit and not dead Detective Wilden. Tonight’s episode featured all four Liars connecting the dots and finally realizing that yes, Elliot, Charlotte’s doctor and the guy who married Charlotte’s much younger sister Alison a few days after her death, is indeed a bad dude. Even Emily figured it out and that was without the help of Mona, who has inexplicably disappeared just when things are getting interesting as per usual. Poor Mona.
Elliott started the episode off by affixing a mask on his wife Alison, that would have Tom Hardy’s Bane logging onto Amazon and selecting two day shipping. Although Alison’s room has a giant window to the hallway, no other hospital employees saw them throwing one another across the bed, noticed the giant scratch on Elliott’s neck, or thought it strange that a woman who was admitted for bad dreams now looks like Hannibal Lecter. Maybe everyone assumes having your honeymoon at an Amish Bed and Breakfast will drive a person to hallucinate.
Questionable medical decision number two was thanks to Emily, Aria and Hanna paying a visit to Elliott’s boss, who didn’t know one of his doctor’s was treating their spouse. This would have been a great opportunity for Elliot’s boss to raise a red flag, which could have been the catalyst to push Elliott to break Alison out of the hospital, but instead he did that for a reason we’ll never know.
Because he’s dead. Spoiler.
Then there’s Spencer finally getting a hold of Jason DiLaurentis, who shockingly (not!) reveals that he had no idea Alison was married or currently institutionalized.
Of course, there’s also the locked ottoman of drugs and medieval torture tools in Elliott’s bedroom, the little Amish girl who received last season’s Bratz dolls from Charlotte, and the cow prod that Hanna recognizes from her time with Elliott (we assume) that help the Liars come to the conclusion that friends don’t let friends marry dudes they’ve only dated for a week.
Now onto the latest Pretty Little Liars character to sport their very own toe tag. This season began with the Liars burying a body and then jumped back four days, enough time for Alison and Hanna to be tortured, Spencer and Caleb to break up, Toby to get engaged to a woman who manages to apply fake eyelashes while living in an RV, Aria and Ezra to get together, Aria and Liam to break up, Aria reveal that Ezra has left town for no reason, and Emily to score a date. Good for you, Emily.
Unfortunately, the past four days did not answer all of our questions. Why did Elliott message Emily to follow him after he snuck Alison out of the hospital? If Mary Drake wants revenge for Charlotte’s death, why is she upset that Elliott was torturing Alison, who Mary believes killed her daughter Charlotte? What’s Mary going to do now that Elliott is a hood ornament? Why are any of the Liars still surprised when the inevitable plot twist of losing cell service happens? When will they learn that staying in Rosewood is the *worst*? How many nights will we having nightmares from seeing this?
Shout out to Rosewood, the one town where even the dead look better than the rest of us mere mortals.
Season 7 of Pretty Little Liars airs Tuesdays at 8E/5P on its new home on Bravo!