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The father doth protest too much. Thomas Markle is still intent on showing the world that his famous daughter Meghan really did (past tense?) love him and really is (present tense) ignoring him now. Conducting another interview with The Daily Mail (does he have a punch card, because he must be getting close to one free subscription by now), Markle is producing receipts to show he was a caring father, while simultaneously calling out his daughter in front of the world. Really?

In the latest edition of ‘This Is Why Your Daughter Isn’t Calling You,’ Thomas Markle is once again sharing his side of the story, which paints him in a great light. Hold for shock value. Markle says he’s dreading his first Christmas without a card from Meghan, which admittedly does sound really sad, until you considering how often he’s sold his daughter out to the press.

“I have been frozen out and I can’t stay silent,” Markle told the newspaper. “I have made dozens of attempts to reach my daughter via text and letters, but she and Harry have put up a wall of silence. They have done what they once told me not to do – they are believing everything negative that has been written about me. So I am reaching out to them, once again, to try to correct the lies and get the truth out there.”

We’re not sure what negative press Markle is referring to, but if he means the multiple interviews he’s given, then yeah, they’re probably believing those.

Markle continues, saying, “Everyone says, why don’t I just shut the f*** up? That Meghan can’t speak to me because I’ll give away secrets. But that’s bull****. I’ve been accused of every terrible thing you can think of. In one magazine they had an awful story about Prince Charles right beside one about me. But no one is shunning Prince Charles.”

In all fairness to Prince Charles, he’s been dragged through the mud by the press for, like, decades. But we digress.

In his fourth (FOURTH!) interview with The Daily Mail, Markle corrects ‘lies’ that have been spread about him. Let’s run them down. One, he faked a heart attack to get out of the royal wedding. Markle showed The Daily Mail medications and medical bills proving that he had two heart attacks, the second one referred to as a ‘widow-maker’ by the doctor.

Two, that he did not attend his daughter’s 2011 wedding to producer Trevor Engelson. Markle reportedly has a picture of himself with Meghan and her mother Doria Ragland, with the image taken moments before he walked her down the aisle. Oddly, the latest Daily Mail interview includes a baby photo of Thomas, but not the ceremony photo he’s referring to from Meghan’s first wedding. Huh.

Three, that Thomas and Meghan were never close and that he’s been selling out his daughter by giving interviews to the press. For the first half of that statement, Thomas produced loving handwritten notes from Meghan. As for the second half…see previous sentence.

Says Markle, “I am not perfect, I made mistakes but my punishment does not fit the crime. Even murderers get visits from their daughters in jail.”

Continuing to not know when to shush, Markle says “I have sent several texts. Her number hasn’t changed and they haven’t bounced back. I’ve pleaded with her to pick up the phone. I wrote her a two-page letter and sent it by certified mail via her representative in Los Angeles. I asked her why she was believing the lies. I also pointed out the Royals haven’t always been perfectly behaved. I wrote that I’ve never played pool naked, nor have I dressed up as a Nazi.”

Markle is of course referring to Harry dressing as a Nazi during a 2005 Halloween party, which was an incredibly stupid move on the Prince’s part, yet still not a great way to endear yourself to your daughter and her new husband.

As Thomas Markle has made abundantly clear, reaching out to Meghan privately and publicly has failed to attract his daughter’s attention. The only thing left is to do nothing, which, at this point, is probably his only shot at salvaging a relationship with his daughter and future grandchild.