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Every child should have a birthday party to remember at some point, but not every memorable birthday party is created equal. In the world of celebrity children, birthdays are a chance for parents to show their child how much they love them, while also showing their famous friends just. how. much. money they have.

If you need us, we’ll be jealously eating store-bought cake. But it has Elsa and Anna on it! So, win?

On April 30, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s twins Monroe and Moroccan celebrate their eighth birthday, with dem babies adding to their long history of lavish birthday parties thanks to their parents. So, what can us regular folk learn from celebrity kid’s birthday parties? So much. This season is all about unicorns, you guys.

YOUR CAKE MUST BE AS BIG AS THE GUEST OF HONOUR

Gwen Stefani loves to throw her three sons elaborate birthday parties and document them on social media and we love to wish we were invited to her child’s party. The latest was for five-year-old Apollo, who had a zoo themed party complete with the biggest tiger-shaped cake we’ve ever seen.

BIRTHDAY THEMES MUST BE LITERAL

Tori Spelling has five kids, which means a lot of over-the-top birthdays. Her diet must be 50 percent fondant at this point. For daughter Stella’s ninth birthday party, the unicorn-themed event included an actual unicorn. Well, a pony with a horn. We’re glad this wasn’t a shark-themed party.

CAKES MUST BE THE SAME PRICE AS THE AVERAGE WEDDING (TOTAL WEDDING)

The second unicorn-themed birthday on our list goes to Jessica Alba’s daughter Haven, whose unicorn cake was nicer than our wedding cake. And possibly our wedding.

THEMES DO NOT NEED TO BE G-RATED

Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa rented a Dave and Busters to throw their son Sebastian a fifth birthday party that was Suicide Squad-themed. Um, maybe unicorns instead?

TAKE THE LATEST TREND AND MAKE IT THROW UP ON YOUR PARTY

Britney Spears’ sons Jayden and Sean Preston have birthdays that are two days apart, which means perpetual joint b-days. Smart thinking, Brit. For the pair’s 10th and 11th birthdays, mom Britney went all out with a Pokemon-themed party. Like, allllll out. We’re going to guess that none of these treats were homemade.

 

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Big bday for my boys! Double digits whoop whoop! 🎉

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DON’T USE ANYTHING YOU ALREADY OWN

Model Molly Sims makes Pinterest come alive for her three kids, but nicer. Past themes have included Curious George, Princess, Indiana Jones, and our favourite, Camp Stuber (her hubby’s last name) for her youngest Grey, who turned one last year. Our kids having a camp-themed party: actual tent, backyard, bag of marshmallows, a flashlight, and a request that everyone pees in the same general grassy area. Molly Sims’ camp-themed party: glamping with a Michael Bay budget.

MOVIE THEMES MUST BE EXECUTED TO THE FULLEST

Jessica Simpson dubbed her daughter Maxwell’s The Greatest Showman-inspired birthday bash Maxwell’s Over-The-Top Big Top. The six-year-old’s party included a big top tent, circus performers, and trapeze and tight rope walking lessons. So that title is accurate.

 

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🎪 Maxwell’s Over-The-Top Big Top 🎪 #TheGreatestShowman #MAXIDREW #6

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KEEP GUEST LISTS SMALL BUT INTERNATIONAL

Katie Holmes reportedly flew daughter Suri and two of her friends to Paris in February to celebrate the 13-year-old’s first birthday as a teen. TBH, it was probably still cheaper than filling twenty loot bags, amirite?

 

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💕💕💕💕💕💕

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ONE PRESENT FOR EVERY WEEK THE CHILD HAS BEEN ALIVE

British TV personality Tamara Ecclestone celebrated her daughter Fifi’s fourth birthday party with multiple extravagant cakes, a huge birthday party, and literally a mountain of presents. Like, a literal mountain. Literally.

 

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The best day celebrating Fifi 💖

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MAKE THE THEME AS AUTHENTIC AS POSSIBLE

It should come as no surprise that the new era of extravagant Kardashian children birthdays started with Kim and Kanye. In 2014, the pair threw Kidchella for daughter North’s first birthday. Inspired by the Coachella music festival, the birthday party had a full-sized Ferris wheel, face painting, costumes, and famous models and musicians laying around on the grass. So authentic!

 

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Our baby girl’s 1st birthday party! #kidchella

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TAKE STANDARD PARTY DECORATIONS AND MULTIPLY BY 1,000

Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson kept all the drama for daughter True’s first birthday in the decorations, with the huge outdoor party featuring cotton candy machines, a butterfly theme, and the most stunning balloon display we’ve ever seen. We thought Up would be the only time balloons made us cry but thinking of the price of this display has also got us teary-eyed.

LIVE MUSIC IS A MUST

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian often throw daughters North and Penelope joint birthday parties to save money. Hahahaha jk jk. For the pair’s most recent birthday, the Kadrashian-adjacent kiddos went with a unicorn themed bash (of course) that included “ponies with unicorn horns, a cotton candy and s’mores station, a ‘unicorn snot’ glitter slime craft station” and the music was courtesy of 10-year-old DJ Livia. Don’t even bother showing your face at recess if you don’t get DJ Livia for your party.

BRING THE PARTY TO YOUR CHILD

For Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott’s daughter Stormi, they knew that taking a one-year-old to an amusement park would be  a little overwhelming. So instead they built Stormi World, complete with genderless mascots, carnival-themed food, and a Stormi Ride with an entrance that was modelled after their baby’s face. We are officially overwhelmed.

 

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i had to go all out for my baby. #StormiWorld

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TEACH YOUR KID TO SAVE THEIR BIRTHDAY MONEY

DJ Khaled made his son Asahd the executive producer on his album before Asahd was even a year old, so you know Khaled was going big on the birthday party front. How would Khaled top his son’s first birthday party, which included renting out Miami’s LIV night club and getting Diddy to host? Khaled and wife Nicole Tuck threw Asahd’s second birthday inside the Marlin’s Park in Miami. Like, on the field of the professional baseball stadium. The couple announced their new charity Asahd’s Initiative at the party, so in addition to a petting zoo, merry-go-round, Asahd Khaled Brand Jordan Collection fashion show, Asahd also received a $100,000 cheque for his charity from Derek Jeter. We hope Asahd remembers to tell his accountant that the party can be a tax write off.

 

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Happy bday !!!!!! @asahdkhaled !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you !!!!

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