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It may seem like just another Tuesday, but for tech junkies and avid Apple watchers, September 9 marked the official unveiling of the company’s highly anticipated new phone, the iPhone 6, along with its counterpart, the iPhone 6 Plus. As with previous releases, these phones come with a whole new slew of salacious goodies and upgrades designed to make life easier, although translating just how they’re supposed to do that can sometimes be a little…confusing. That’s why we’re here to help.

Great new feature: A bigger screen (the iPhone 6 is 4.7 inches while the iPhone 6 Plus is 5.5 inches — a whopping 1.5 inches more than the iPhone 5).

Translation: Well this one is pretty much a no-brainer. Tired of fumbling for your glasses (P.S. they’re on your head) every time you get a text message thanks to the super small screen? Like the idea of putting movies or your favourite show on your phone to watch for your commute but worried the actors will all have itty bitty heads? The iPhone 6 Plus and its super-sized screen is for you.

Jessica Lange

 

Great new feature: The phone is thinner (6.9mm for the iPhone 6 and 7.1mm for the iPhone 6 Plus).

Translation: You might not be able to go belt-free just yet (hey, we do have standards), but at least they won’t sag as much when you slide the iPhone 6 into your pockets. This feature is just as handy for clutches, although if you’ve invested in one of those purses with the phone pocket built in you suddenly also have a new excuse to go shopping.

Jimmy Fallong Tight Pants

 

Great new feature: Strengthened ION glass.

Translation: What, you’ve never dropped your phone before? Some of us need all the protection we can get. Because it really sucks when your phone shatters.

Sad Cat

 

Great new feature: More pixels.

Translation: Traditional cameras will become even more obsolete, you can now inconspicuously check for spinach in your teeth after lunch and you might want to consider investing in some hi-def makeup.

Garth, Wayne's World

Great new feature: iPhone 6 Plus now shows the sender’s picture in text messages.

Translation: You can actually remember what that guy at the party looked like when he hits you up via text the next morning, and you can decide if you want to hit him back with a witty response. Warning, this feature works both ways.

Honey Boo Boo Texting

 

Great new feature: It’s easier to use with one-hand.

Translation: You no longer have to leave your cocktail unattended when you’re pretending to be busy on your phone during a boring conversation at a party.

Cecily Strong SNL

Great new feature: A two-way display and bigger keyboard on the iPhone 6 Plus.

Translation: Answering emails on the way to work will be so quick that your boss might actually think you’re already in, even though you’re actually running 10 minutes behind and in dire need of that morning coffee.

Late penguin

Great new feature: The new burst mode detects smiles and blinks, and it takes up to 10 pictures per second.

Translation: Now you can really nail that selfie and showcase your best duck-face on Facebook. Alternatively your camera-shy friend can no longer be mad at you for posting a group pic on social media because she’ll never be blinking again.

The Hangover

Great new feature: The new predictive keyboard helps you respond to texts and emails faster.

Translation: If you were creeped out by some of the auto-corrects iPhone made for you before, you might want to TRIPLE check that text you’re sending your dad now.

Stewie, Family Guy

Great new feature: A health app and sensors that detect distance and height.

Translation: Now you really have to take the stairs to work.

doctor who

Great new feature: Add location to text messages.

Translation: Your directionally challenged friend should be able to finally meet you at that new great lunch spot on time so that you don’t eat your own shirt. On the down side, if you accidentally message the wrong number you could have a potential stalker on your hands.

White Collar

Great new feature: Improved video features including stabilization, slow motion and time lapse video.

Translation: You can finally give in to all your good intentions and start that great new video blog you’ve been dreaming about. Or just record your pets doing super creepy things and play them for your friends in slow motion.

Dog drinking

 

Great new feature: Higher resolution games.

Translation: Now you’re really going to be over Candy Crush and The Simpsons: Tapped Out.

HIMYM

 

 

 

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