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It was exactly one week ago that Love Island  (Monday to Friday at 8 p.m. ET on CTV) premiered and that’s how long it took for the first B-word to be thrown around. Ladies, must we do this? What about the impressionable children watching? (We really hope there are no children watching).

The arrival of new girls Katrina and Christen sent shockwaves through the villa, with some of those shockwaves resulting in excitement (for the guys) and dagger-eyes (for the girls). After approximately zero interactions with one another, Mallory declared that Christen is a “…fake b***h.” Ugh. We had been doing so well.

To up the drama, the new girls went on speed dates with all the guys to decide who they were interested in, an event the OG girls were totally cool with and not at all concerned about. Nope. Everyone is cool. Coolcoolcoolcool.

Let’s spill the tea.

THE NEW GIRLS

Here’s what we know about the new girls. Katrina is looking for someone who is taller, “obviously.” Obviously? Is that an obvious thing? She has “an open heart, open mind, and closed legs.” As far as Twitter bios go, we have to admit that’s pretty good, Katrina. On the other hand, Christen says her list of what she looks for in a guy will take all night—which is totally fine because there’s a lot of time to kill on this island and no TV. Both girls say they’re trying not to step on anyone’s toes, which is a nice sentiment, but pretty much impossible to do on Love Island.

THE SPEED DATING

Christen surprised herself by being attracted to Cashel, who continues to forget that it was just last week that no one picked him for their love dodge ball team. Rather than kiss the ground Kyra walks on for actually choosing him, Cashel continues making a play for Christen. This dude. Too bad for Cashel, Christen is feeling more of a connection with Yamen, whom we found out is a Raptors fan. We thought he was looking extra fione on Tuesday night.

Katrina surprised herself by liking Weston most out of all the boys, something Cormac is likely crying about over his pint of Guinness.

THE TWIST

It may still be too early to call it, but at this stage in the game we can’t deny that Caro is the gamemaster general. Her subtle move of pushing Christen away from Cormac and towards Yamen was a masterclass is reality TV show strategy. Well-played, Caro, well-played.

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT

Christen and Katrina ended the night with a text instructing each of them to send one girl to The Hideaway and take her spot in bed. Christen sent Alana, securing her a little spoon position with Yamen, while Katrina picked Mallory, making her Weston’s cowgirl.

Now, Mallory has made mighty clear that she’s not into Weston in that way but Alana and Yamen have been vibing like crazy and we’re kind of in love with those cuties. We’ve come a long way from when Yamen thought Alana was coming on too strong with their first kiss and now he looks delighted anytime she bestows even a peck. Honestly, we’ve been shipping these two since they first got into bed on night one in matching glasses. Tread carefully, Christen.

THE COUPLES

Caro and Cormac

Cashel and Kyra

Dylan and Alexandra

Zac and Elizabeth

Yamen and Alana

Weston and Mallory

WHO WE’RE SHIPPING

As stated above, Alana and Yamen FTW.

We also have to give an honourable mention to Elizabeth and Zac. Their commitment to one another is the stuff Nicholas Sparks’ movies are made of. Except, you know, without the tragic ending.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Everyone on this show thinks everyone else is hilarious. This is what happens when you take the internet away from Millennials.

Watch new episodes of Love Island five nights a week at 8 p.m. ET on CTV and check out the companion show Love Island Aftersun on Saturdays at 8 p.m. ET to unpack all of the week’s highs and lows. Check out must-see moments, vote for your favourite couple, and experience exclusive content on the Love Island app.