Crack out the Skinny Girl Mead: it’s time for The Real Housewives of Westeros! With Game of Thrones‘ fifth season premiering April 12 on HBO Canada, Sophie Turner, a.k.a. Sansa Stark, pitched a Bravo-worthy spin on the fantasy drama in a video for Vanity Fair. Her opening credits slogan? “Winter may be coming but I’m still hella hot,” she says, wearing a black tuxedo jacket and a very Lannister-friendly shirt with “LION” printed on it.
While Westeros lacks for posh brunch spots, it is rife with brothels, which is where Turner imagines the Westeros women gathering. “There’s pictures of naked women on the walls,” she says. “There’s just a lot of nudity, because this is Game of Thrones.”
Joining her character, who she says is now a “boss-ass bitch” after colluding with Littlefinger to hurl her Aunt Lysa out the moongate in season four, would be scrappy urchin Arya Stark, Mother of Dragons Daenerys Targaryen, kingdom sweetheart Margaery Tyrell, and Queen Regent Cersei Lannister, a housewife so archly duplicitous she could easily go manicure-to-manicure with House Vanderpump.
Turner envisions a Sapphic setup between Sansa and Margery, while Arya would be the first to throw a goblet of wine in someone’s face. Cersei would flip a table, as is the Housewife style. “The blood of people’s enemies goes everywhere and all over Danerys’s white beautiful hair,” Turner says. “Danerys loses it and decides to unleash the dragons.” The video, part of Vanity Fair’s Improv Imagination series, has the added bonus of rendering all the drama in watercolour paintings. Are you taking notes Andy Cohen?
This short clip will have to tide fans of Sansa Stark over until the premiere, which finds Sansa packing up her black feather gowns and hitting the road with Littlefinger. Also on the agenda in Westeros: a funeral for the murdered Tywin Lannister, Jon Snow caught between a couple of power plays at The Wall, and Tyrion with a stowaway beard.